Favorite Abraham Simpson quotes!

[ilovebender.com]

... This guy.

Abraham 'Grandpa' Simpson

http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/0/229/88130-26709-grampa-simpson_large.jpg

From 'A Star Is Burns'

Grandpa
The metric system is the tool of the devil. My car gets fourty rods to the hogs head and that's the way I likes it!

[FryRulz]

What a legend! lol

And i dunno which one is my favourite quote from him. But i do like


Whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answers to all the important qustions.

[ilovebender.com]

Grandpa
The year was nineteen ought six. The President is the divine Miss Sarah Burnheart and all over America people were doing a dance called the Funky Grandpa! Oh I'm the- zzzzzzz.

[FryRulz]

So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say.

[ilovebender.com]

So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say.lol

Abe
Now, I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks to discuss how I invented the terlet.

Mrs. K
"Terlet"? Hah!

[children laughing]

Abe
Stop your snickerin'! I spent three years on that terlet!

[FryRulz]

The last time meteors came by, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish... we hanged more than a few.

[ilovebender.com]

Skinner is seen tied to an un-lit bonfire.

Skinner
I'M TELLING YOU, THE EARTH REVOLVES AROUND THE SUN!

Abe
BURN HIM!

Some one takes Abe's photo with a flash photography camera, Abe turns his attention to the photographer.

Abe
YOU'VE STOLEN MY SOUL!

[FryRulz]

Abe: Hello?
Secretary: Yes, is this the Abraham Simpson who wrote the Itchy and Scratchy episode?
Abe: "Isshy and what?" You must be some kind of crazy person!
Secretary: I'm sorry, but I have a substantial check here for a Mr. Abraham J. Simpson.
Abe: That's right! I did the "Iggy!"

[ilovebender.com]

Grandpa
Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch.

[FryRulz]

My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

[ilovebender.com]

This isn't really a quote, more of a visual, but...

http://aligunduz.org/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/grampa_simpson_cloud-300x225.jpg

[FryRulz]

Marge: Say, I've got a neat idea! Why don't you go in and pick up my mother and we'll all go out to dinner?
Abe: I'll be back in a jiffy!
[comes back with a woman in a wheelchair]
Marge: That's not my mother.
Abe: I'll be back in a jiffy!
Woman: Can I come too?
[Homer rolls up Marge's power window]
Woman: [disappointed] Oh...

[Zorak]

To take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimmie five bees for a quarter, you'd say.

[cyclops]

I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me.

[Kigents]

This is good.

kent brockman:we will now cross to abe simpson to find out if his son is a comunist.....
abe:my son may be a lot of things an idiot,a deadhead,a comunist but he is not a porn star.

[Gazereths]

I remember they cut that bit out the last time i watched that episode :(

"The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again. Number one: bra. Number two: horny. Number three: family jewels."

Cracks me up lol

[ilovebender.com]

I like that one

[frys_red_jacket]

I'm an old man. I hate everything but Matlock! Ooh, it's on now!

[cyclops]

61... 62... 63... Oh no! 63! He's out of air! I've sent my only grandson to a watery gra... 64! He's found the treasure! I'm rich!

[ilovebender.com]

Grampa
Oww!
It bit me with my own teeth!

[ilovebender.com]

Grampa
Where's the remote?

Grampa finds the remote sitting on the floor in front of him.

Grampa
Oh, it might as well be in China!

[the real melllvar]

Lisa: I's awful being a kid, no one listens to you.
Abe: It's rotten being old, no one listens to ya.
Homer walks in: I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. everyone listens to me! no matter how dumb my suggestions are. *eats nuts n gum (together at last!)*
Lisa: But I'm not going to accomplish anything just sitting here --
Abe: -- and griping! It's time for --
Lisa: -- action! I've got to talk to that woman who invented Malibu Stacy, and see if I can get her to --
Abe: -- come out of retirement! I'm gonna get me a job! -- a real Malibu ....... and see if, Stacy, can help .... invent ... me ....... young .....
Abe: Help...!
Lisa: You're getting a job.
Abe: Yes! I'm going where the action is!

[Kigents]

This is good.

Kent Brockman: Could Homer Simpson be a communist? His father spoke out on his behalf.
Grampa Simpson: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is *not* a porn star!

[frys_red_jacket]

Dear Advertisers, I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again. Number one: bra. Number two: horny. Number three: family jewels.

[ilovebender.com]

Grampa
Welcome home, son.
I broke two lamps and lost all your mail.
What's wrong with your wife?

Homer
Nevermind, you wouldn't understand.

Grampa
Flu?

Homer
No.

Grampa
Protein deficiency?

Homer
No.

Grampa
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?

Homer
No.

Grampa
Unsatisfying sex life?

Homer
N- yes.
But please, don't you say that word.

Grampa
What, seeex?
What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex?
I had seeeeex.

[mr bender]

dont know some are funny on hit and run

[Delivery]

My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

My favorite too. The whole episode is great. :bighug:

[Lulubelle 7]

Grampa
Welcome home, son.
I broke two lamps and lost all your mail.
What's wrong with your wife?

Homer
Nevermind, you wouldn't understand.

Grampa
Flu?

Homer
No.

Grampa
Protein deficiency?

Homer
No.

Grampa
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?

Homer
No.

Grampa
Unsatisfying sex life?

Homer
N- yes.
But please, don't you say that word.

Grampa
What, seeex?
What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex?
I had seeeeex.

My favorite as well. I love his airy tone of voice.

[frys_red_jacket]

So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say.

[ilovebender.com]

Skinner is seen tied to an un-lit bonfire.

Skinner
I'M TELLING YOU, THE EARTH REVOLVES AROUND THE SUN!

Abe
BURN HIM!

Some one takes Abe's photo with a flash photography camera, Abe turns his attention to the photographer.

Abe
YOU'VE STOLEN MY SOUL!
I think this one is the best. :D (well, one of the)

[mahaon]

The episiode where they are at the movies and the THX sound effect promo comes on and its so loud it rattles the theatre, pops drinks and busts a guys teeth clean out.. at the end the crowd is cheering and poor grandpa is sitting there shouting

"TURN IT UP, TURN IT UP!!"

That or

Grandpa to young Homer - "Homer, you're a dumb as a mule and twice as ugly"