my first fan fic!

[Lucorio]

ok this is my firstfan fic i tried my best its a thriller/horror i hope you enjoy!
the crash on monster island
Bender:hey fry c'mon wake up wake up!
Fry: wait wa wa let me go back to sleep!
Bender: fry you idiot get up we have to get packing where going to Harro messa!
Fry: harro messa? oh crap! i forgot!*dress's in a rush*
Fry: bender do i look fine?
Bender: yeah yeah kid c'mon!
Fry: hey good morning amy, zoidberg,proffesor farnsworth hermes,and anyone else
leela:ok hi fry enough with the chit chat let go.
Fry: ok, ok, lets go!
zoidberg: whoop whoop start the ship proffesor and lets go to harro messa!
proffesor: yes, lets fly straight away!
*the proffesor started the ship and flew away*
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ok that was the first part.let me what ya'll think i got inspired by vonhammer.this is just the first part action will be in the second part. i hope you enjoyed :D

[FryRulz]

Its a start mate, try put what its about aswell as just the dialogue, so we get a better idea of what the plot is. Also its always good to add narration to the story

[Lucorio]

thanks.:D
well this is just the beginning of the story in the second part im gonna try and add more dialogue.

[FryRulz]

Thats good mate, if you need any help just let me know.

[Lucorio]

ok thx :D it's a comedy also so it's funny too :D
i also made up a place called harro messa.

[FryRulz]

Ahh right cool

[Lucorio]

heres my continuation it starts off funny but action starts to come.
-----------------------------
zoidberg: are we almost their yet! are we are we!
proffesor:no you fool cant you see we havent started the ship yet!
zoidberg: *sobs* well ok no need to be mean. just start the ship now
proffesor: ok, ok, lets fly away!
Fry: hey leela I hear harro messa is pretty romantic
Leela: fry if your trying to ask me out it's a no
Fry:ooooooook *in a sad face* at least im not lonely like zoidberg
zoidberg: what are you all looking at?
Fry and leela: NEVERMIND!!!!!!
hermes:it appears where running out of food for are trip.
*looks at nibbler*
hermes: NIBBLER!!!!
nibbler: scree sree scree whhha?
Bender: and nibble drank all the beer!
Fry: this officially is going to be the worst trip ever
Leela: I feel your pain, fry.
zoidberg: well atleast i still got my slurm!
*trips over and slurm lands on button and sterring wheel on ship*
zoidberg: my bad!
proffesor: whereabout to crash where about to crash! zoidberg look what you have done!
the whole crew: WHOA!!!!!!!!HELP!!!!!!
*as the crew wakes up on a mysterious island*
Fry: what what isthis place? this isnt harro messa!
Leela: yeah what was that?
Fry: leela i dont know
zoidberg:*as zoidberg is being attacked by a mutant monster* help help! im sorry im sorry!
Leela: oh no zoidberg!!!!!
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hey gais! enjoy my stoopid fanfic!:(
first it starts off as funny and loveable but then it starts with more action. vonhammer inspired me to write a fanfic.ifyou dont have anything nice to say about it then dont.

[FryRulz]

I dont think its stupid, its good to see that you have taken the effort to write one

[Lucorio]

thnx the next part is coming soon.

[xKathyx2k8x]

ok , it's good , but we just hear what there saying , try to put some description in .

[Bekka]

That is a good start, i hope to see more.:)

[KnucklesUK]

heres my continuation it starts off funny but action starts to come.
-----------------------------
zoidberg: are we almost their yet! are we are we!
proffesor:no you fool cant you see we havent started the ship yet!
zoidberg: *sobs* well ok no need to be mean. just start the ship now
proffesor: ok, ok, lets fly away!
Fry: hey leela I hear harro messa is pretty romantic
Leela: fry if your trying to ask me out it's a no
Fry:ooooooook *in a sad face* at least im not lonely like zoidberg
zoidberg: what are you all looking at?
Fry and leela: NEVERMIND!!!!!!
hermes:it appears where running out of food for are trip.
*looks at nibbler*
hermes: NIBBLER!!!!
nibbler: scree sree scree whhha?
Bender: and nibble drank all the beer!
Fry: this officially is going to be the worst trip ever
Leela: I feel your pain, fry.
zoidberg: well atleast i still got my slurm!
*trips over and slurm lands on button and sterring wheel on ship*
zoidberg: my bad!
proffesor: whereabout to crash where about to crash! zoidberg look what you have done!
the whole crew: WHOA!!!!!!!!HELP!!!!!!
*as the crew wakes up on a mysterious island*
Fry: what what isthis place? this isnt harro messa!
Leela: yeah what was that?
Fry: leela i dont know
zoidberg:*as zoidberg is being attacked by a mutant monster* help help! im sorry im sorry!
Leela: oh no zoidberg!!!!!
--------------------------------
hey gais! enjoy my stoopid fanfic!:(
first it starts off as funny and loveable but then it starts with more action. vonhammer inspired me to write a fanfic.ifyou dont have anything nice to say about it then dont.Its nice. But you might want to add some more of the descriptions of the actions the characters peform, as well as dialogue that they say. :thumbup1:

[Lucorio]

thnx guys! i need to work on more dialogue and such! the next part wil come soon but with more action dialogue and such. thanx for teh advice ;)

[FryRulz]

Yeh mate that will make it better.

[Lucorio]

yeh i realy need advice ;)
did you guys liek it?

[FryRulz]

Yeh i did like it mate

[Lucorio]

heres a continuation i tried my best on it
-----------------------------------------------
(as the whole crew look's scaredly at the creature who just killed zoidberg)
amy:what is that what is that!
hermes: i dont know but we better run!
Fry: run run run!!!!!!
(as the whole crew runs scaredly)
Bender:this is some scary shit 'ya know! first we crash on an island and their are these creatures that kill zoidberg and now they are gonna kill us all!
proffesor:quick hide behind the tree you bafoons!
(the whole crew hides behind a tree)
amy: do you think it can sense us?
Fry: nah, i doubt that
hermes: wait a second maybe we can get nibbler to eat this creature 'cause well nibbler could eat this thing!
*the whole crew looks at nibbler*
nibbler: scree scree whhhhhha?
Leela: nibbler eat that thing so it wont eat us*Pushs nibbler out*
The creature:*sniffs* i smmmmmmell nibblonian
*as nibbler jumps out*
nibbler:raarrrrr!!!!!
The creature:grrrrrr wha? whoevers their im gonna eat ya til your flesh! *gets tackled by nibbler*
nibbler: RAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
The creature: ahhhhh!
*flashes to the crew getting out of the tree*
Bender:nibbler nibbler killed it!
nibbler:*burps out The creatures skeleton* scree scree scree!
Leela: thanks for saving are life nibbler.we couldnt have done it with out you!
proffesor:*examines the creatures skeleton* hmmmmm these creatures are like no species ive never seen before these are creatures ive never seen before
Fry: great, now can we please escape this island before we all die.
proffesor:we cant because we'll all be dead!
Fry: chill chill proffesor!
Bender:just shutup and c'mon
Leela: yeh c'mon nibbler*hops on leela's shoulder"
hermes: yes lets go before we get killed again.
Fry: ok guys c'mon.
hermes:i'll meet you guys their in a sec gotta go pee in this huge island
Leela: ok meet you back.
*the whole crew leaves*
hermes: *whistles* ahhhhhh that was refreshing.*as hermes hears a sound* hello who's their? fry is that you?
The second creature: it's not fry
hermes:AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
*back at the the campground of the island*
Leela: oh no hermes!
proffesor: hermes? who's hermes?oh hermes!
fry: guys we gotta save him!c'mon!
TO BE CONTINUED.
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ok i know my fic was stupid :( tell what you thought of it and if i need some improvements
i did a stoopid job :(

[FryRulz]

You didnt do a stupid job, thats a big improvement.

[Gitchulon]

I thought that was damn good and it shows that you've been listening to other folk's opinions which made the last installment even better and funnier (it was funny anyway just as dialogue).

I demand more!

[Lucorio]

ok heres a continuation NOTE: on the island their are more then 2 creatures on the island
---------------------------
[as the crew heads out in the islands forest]
Fry: hermes hermes where are you?!
Leela: Yeah you okay?
Bender:c'mon!
amy:AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
[the whole crew runsto amy]
proffesor: what what!
amy:hermes is dead!
proffesor:are you sure let me check his pulse *checks pulse* ahhhhh! your right he is dead!
Fry: something tell's me their are more on this island we better escape.
Leela: wait wait! we better get out of here i can sense it coming!
Creature 3:*breathes heavily* mmmh ive never ad women before RAAAAAA!!!!!
Leela: help help!
Fry: stay away from Leela you ugly bastard! *picks up metal stick!
Creature 3: *gets stabbed with metal stick* ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Fry:*pulls metal stick out of the creature* their its dead....
Leela: thanks Fry something tells me me we should sleep with are eyes open tonight or else will be killed like hermes or zoidberg
Fry: zoidberg? hermes? I miss them! *cries*
amy: yeah fry we all miss them too but well nevermind.....c'mon we gotta move somewhere else on the island before we all die
Bender: yeah c'mon dont use the bathroom or else we'll be killed again.
Leela:yeah c'mon.Fry you gonna be okay?
Fry: *as fry wipes tearsfrom his face* yeah im gonna be okay lets head back to the camp.*pus hands over leela's shoulder*
Leela: get your hands off of me!
Fry: oooooookay......
Bender: enough with the chit chat and lets head back to camp.
amy: yeah lets.
Leela: c'mon nibbler*hops on leela's shoulder*
*cuts to the crew at island camp*
Bender: hey fry, pass the beer will ya?
Fry:yeah here ya go.
Bender: *pops open bottlecap drinks beer* thanks.
amy: hey fry this is good tater tot casserole where did you get it from?
Fry: uhhhhh i dont know. anyways nibbler you enjoying those kibbles?
nibbler:*burps loudly* scree scree scree!
proffesor: yes and good pills!
[cuts to some creatures in the forest spying on the crew]
blob creature:thats them!
dinosaur creature:who whaaaa!*in monsterly voice*
blob creature:*smacks creatures face* them you idiot!
dinosaur creature: oh yeah them!
[cuts back to the island camping scene]
proffesor:did you hear that?
Fry: i'll go check *picks up metal stick*
Fry: listen i know your out their come out!
blob creature:RAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Fry:ahhhhh! *gets tackled by creature* help help!
Bender: fry! *drops beer*
amy: oh no!
Fry: guys help help!i dont wanna die so quick!
[as fry said scaredly]
TO BE CONTINUED.
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ok that was my continuation. if you dont like it dont comment anything rood. hermes and zoidberg are dead.not my best but i did ok! anyone like it? i the end it's gonna be shocking.

[john]

Gash.

[Lucorio]

gash?

[john]

try google sometime.

[frys_red_jacket]

what on earth does a female genitalia have to do with a fan fic?????

anyway you did a pretty good job for your first try poop, much better than anything i could come up with

[Lucorio]

try google sometime.

grrrrr......:angry:
anyways i worked real hard on this. the ending is gonna be really shocking.
bad news guys im not gonna be on here often cause i got school :(
and i fail in school :(
anyways i liek it!

[Lucorio]

heres an update of my Fic :D
----------------------------------
Leela: oh no Fry!!!!!!
proffesor:hurry we gotta save him!
amy: Yeah c'mon!!!!!
Bender:woah woah wait! what am i gonna do? scream and run while you guys rescue Fry?
[as fry is being killed by the creature]
Fry: enough with the chit chat and save me!!!!!
Bender: so can I help you guys save fry?
Leela: YES!!!!!!!!!
Bender:Leave Fry alone you ugly Blob! *Picks up giant metal pipe* hey where'd this pipe come from? anyways die ugly Blob!
Blob creature: get ready to get in my tummy!
Bender:nobody hurts my friend!
Blob creature:[while taunting and trying to kill fry] whaaaa? *gets smashed with a pipe and all blob pieces explode everywhere*
Bender: their i saved you!now can we leave this damn island?
Fry:Bender you saved me! i owe you one!
Leela: Yeah Bender that's a first.
amy: Yeah!
Fry: guys like I said where not safe on this island we have to stick together our we'll all die so drink this cofee with caffeine so you can stay awake
Leela:i'll have some.*spits it out* ewwwwww this is disguisting!
Fry: well if we have to stay awake we need to drink this so Drink it.
proffesor:mmmmmh not bad!
amy: this is tasty!
Bender: I dont need this I got beer.
Fry: ok so we all awake!
proffesor:AWAKE AWAKE IM AWAKE!!!!!!!
Fry: ok your awake.
Leela: yes, where awake.
amy: Yep im awake.
Bender:Hey Fry Beer and caffeine go good together! try some try some try some!
Fry: nah i'll just stick to normal cofee
proffesor: lets move on crew
Fry: Yeah c'mon.
[flashes to the dinosaur creature in the woods]
Dinosaur creature:what? what? are those humans dead! Blob did you kill them?
Dinosaur creature: what? why are you all splattered everywhere? what they killed you? they killed you! they killed you!*cries* why!!!!!!!!!THEY WILL PAY.
TO BE CONTINUED.
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heres the rest i put alot of effort in it tell me some suggestions improvements etc. if you hate it keep it to yourself. cuz i worked real hard in this.

[FryRulz]

Very good poop.