Futurama Episode Idea or Fan Scripts

[Gurman169]

Post your episode Ideas here or you Fan scripts for episode

[DerJan]

Nobody any?

[Bender's Sister]

One that's starts off with Bender throwing a family reunion and everybody complains about the loud music and stuff.He goes into court and they descover about Bender very long criminal report and he gets chased by the law or something....that's the best idea that I can think right now....

[Bender Is Great]

One that's starts off with Bender throwing a family reunion and everybody complains about the loud music and stuff.He goes into court and they descover about Bender very long criminal report and he gets chased by the law or something....that's the best idea that I can think right now....

And all the family would be bending everything, smoking, and drinking :lol:

[Ace]

Burning up the place!

[Bender's Sister]

Yeah,glad u like the idea.I may make it into a fan script.

[Ryvul]

If you look in the fan fic section where I last posted, you'll see where I threw in my own character. After leaving the Planet Express facility for a little air, Leela encounters a bizarre looking cyborg named Ryvul (ree-vul). Ryvul tells Leela about himself and she finds that both their histories are similar. Like Leela, Ryvul had a tormented past only worse. Also, he takes things seriously just like she does. On a mission to slay Santa on his homeground on Neptune, Bender and Amy suffer massive injuries, and Fry cowers behind a rock leaving Ryvul as their last hope. Ryvul takes out a pair of hookswords and slices Santa to ribbons leaving his head as mecha piranha food. Afterwards, Leela punishes Fry for not helping in battle by making him resuscitiate Bender and Amy, and rewards Ryvul for his heroic efforts against Santa by taking him for a moonlit walk in New New York. I have plenty more episodes and characters to come. If you read my episode, tell me what you think of it. I think you'll like Ryvul. Fry's got his robot buddy Bender, so I think Leela could use a bad ass mutant cyborg like Ryvul.

[Ryvul]

You'll find my fan script in the topic "Fan fic entries for October week 3 and 4.

[Ryvul]

Cybergeist


Nighttime; Planet Express building interior; Planet Express Ship lands inside Planet Express building; LEELA walks out of ship.
FADE IN
LEELA
(angrily)
I can’t believe I had to do all the work.
(turns to Fry and Bender)
While I was working my ass off crafting weapons and arms
for all the Spawn-Bots on Malebogion-23,
you two were playing some stupid card game.

FRY
It’s not just a card game Leela,
It’s Magic, you wanna see the cards?

FRY holds out box of Magic Cards; Leela tosses box out of Fry’s hands.

LEELA
YOU AREN’T EVEN THERE WHEN I NEED YOU
THE MOST FRY!

BENDER
Well what do you expect? He’s not Mr. Incredible.

LEELA
No, he’s Mr. Soil-Pants, and you’re always smoking
your ass off with those death sticks.

FRY
You know what’ll cheer you up?
If you play some Magic with us.

Leela bangs Fry and Bender’s heads together.

FRY AND BENDER
(simultaneously)
OW!

LEELA
YOU TWO ARE WORTHLESS!!



Leela storms off; Fry and Bender stare at each other; CUT TO
Leela enters her room with ZOIDBERG using pair of scissors.


LEELA
Zoidber… What the hell are you doing in my room?

ZOIDBERG
Trimming my gland hairs mind you.

LEELA
Why are you using scissors when you can use your
own claw…. waitaminit, those are my scissors.
Zoidberg I trim my nose hair with those!

ZOIDBERG
Now you tell me. After three weeks of learning
how to use scissors.

LEELA
UUUUUGH!!!
GET OUT OF MY ROOM!

Leela forces Zoidberg out of her room.

LEELA
(sighs)
I need to go out and get some air.

CUT TO
Leela bolts towards the exit with Bender in her way with a big horn.

BENDER
Leela, you gotta try out my new….

Leela shoves Bender out of the way breaking his horn.

BENDER
Sheesh. What’s eating her?

NEW SCENE
night time; clear sky;
PAN LEFT
Leela walks by herself in her jacket outside the Planet Express building; hears crying in distance; Leela follows sound of crying to dark cave; finds out crying is coming from strange creature.




LEELA
Is that monster….crying? It’s not everyday you
see that happening.

Crying continues; Leela puts hand on creature’s shoulder.

LEELA
Are you okay? What’s wrong?

Crying stops.

CREATURE
If I turn my head, will you promise not
to freak out?

LEELA
Yes.

Creature turns head to face Leela. Leela sees creature has neon blue eyes and white claws;

CUT TO CU
Leela is intrigued.
ECU
Creature’s lit eyes on face.

FADE OUT

FADE IN
Nighttime; dark cave interior; Leela looks at black monster.

LEELA
I don’t think you’re scary.

CREATURE
Y....You don't think so?

LEELA
Neon blue is a
beautiful color, especially for eyes.
My name’s Leela. What’s yours?

Creature turns and stands up.



CREATURE
What kind of name is Ryvul you ask? It is the name of a
lost soul that was enslaved by monsters and became one,
but escaped a decade later.
CUT TO
RYVUL and Leela walking in moonlight.
PAN RIGHT


LEELA
Interesting. So Ryvul, tell me a little more about yourself.

FADE TO Ryvul’s time.

RYVUL (VO)
In 2489, I was captured from my family by
two invisible monsters (Little kid floating in mid-air)
I thought at first I was flying until I was brought to a dark
fortress where the creatures revealed themselves.
I struggled for freedom, (kid kicks in air)
but I was thrown into an abyss of blue lava
(monsters throw kid into pit;
transformation from human to cybergeist)
where I was transformed into a creature called a
“Cybergeist” forced to serve under the evil
Cybergeist Tyrant Mechanos.

PAN IN
Mechanos sitting on a throne chair.

RYVUL (VO)
Mechanos treated me cruelly, criticizing every choice I made.
Not only did the abyss change me physically, but my
personality changed from bad to good and Mechanos
despised all that was good.
What my real name was, I cannot say, for that
memory had been erased due to my transformation.
(Guards drag Ryvul to Mechanos)
In 2499, I was to be executed by Mechanos for not
obeying his tyrannical laws.

MECHANOS
You have failed me for the last time!



ECU
Ryvul’s eyes light up in fear.
RYVUL (VO)
I was not going
to die at the hands of a tyrant.
(breaks free and runs)
I freed myself from
my captors and headed out the main entrance door.
I ran from Mechanos’ foot soldiers avoiding death at all costs
failing to see the gorge ahead of me. I fell in.
(falls into gorge hitting sides)
The gorge was narrow.
I kept hitting the walls of the gorge until my consciousness
was torn from me.

FADE TO WHITE

RYVUL (VO)
When I reached the bottom,
everything went white. I thought I was dead.
(wakes up)
When I awoke later, it seemed as if the world were reborn.
In reality, I fell into a cryogenic tube at the
bottom of the gorge set for 500 years.
Fearing that no one would greet me with open arms,
(runs off)
I threw myself into a nearby cave

FADE BACK TO
Ryvul finishes up his story.
CU
RYVUL (VO)
where you had found me.

LEELA
That sounds so sad. Monsters abducting you, robbing you
of your true identity. This sounds even worse than my
time at the orphanarium.

RYVUL
What was it like at the orphanarium?

LEELA
When I was growing up at Cookieville Orphanarium,


FADE TO
Leela’s time with all the kids surrounding her chanting “one eye.”

LEELA (VO)
I got picked on a lot because of my eye.
To reduce the ridiculing and singling out,
I thought I’d take martial arts.

FADE TO
Martial arts scene.

LEELA (VO)
Even my instructor ridiculed me. Not because of my eye,
but because of my gender.
I still feel I learned a thing or two there.

Ryvul cringes with hand over heart.

LEELA
Ryvul? What’s wrong?

RYVUL
I know what it’s like to be singled out.
The way they treated you, that’s exactly how I
felt when I was still slave to Mechanos.

LEELA
Don’t worry Ryvul, my story gets better.
FADE TO
Cryolab scene
When I was 20,
I was assigned as a cryogenic counselor at the cryotube lab.
Years later, I met this oaf named Philip J. Fry.
I tried to assign him a career chip for
his permanent job as a delivery boy,
but he chickened out.

RYVUL
Career chip?

LEELA
They permanently assign you the job you’re best at.
I later learned more about Fry when he
met up with a robot named Bender.
(sighs) Those two are a pair.

LEELA (cnt’d)
They’re both
careless and stupid. The three of us
eventually got jobs working at Planet Express
owned by Fry’s descendent nephew Professor
Hubert Farnsworth.

RYVUL
Planet Express? Where’s that at?

LEELA
(directs Ryvul to big red building)
See that big red building with the dome?
That’s Planet Express. I work there as captain,
and I was hoping you could work there with me
as my personal assistant.

Ryvul thinks for a moment.

LEELA
Come on Ryvul, In Planet Express,
I promise you’ll be treated with
the respect you deserve.

Leela hugs Ryvul.

RYVUL
Yes. I accept the offer.

LEELA
You know, you’re the first person that
asked me about my time in the orphanarium
and showed interest. Everyone else in
Planet Express tunes out whenever I talk about it.

NEW SCENE
Planet Express meeting table with whole crew.

LEELA
Everyone this is Ryvul.

HERMES
Sweet Manta Ray of Atlanta Bay, Leela’s
new friend is a monster!


RYVUL
What about him?
(turns to Zoidberg)
Isn’t he a monster?

HERMES
No he’s just a weirdo.

RYVUL
(gets up from table)
Listen Hermes. Don’t let my exterior
appearance frighten you.


FARNSWORTH
Yes yes, let’s all give Ryvul the friendly
environment he needs to adapt.
Boy I’ll be having nightmares tonight.

LEELA
What’s the mission Professor?

FARNSWORTH
Wha? Oh yes.
Anyway Ryvul, the rest of you, I have good news.
Xmas is near and I need you all to finish off
Santa right at the North Pole on Neptune.

RYVUL
What’s happened to Santa?

AMY
Santa’s programming has been corrupted and he
assumes everyone is naughty.

FARNSWORTH
That’s why I’m handing out these weapons.

CU weapons lie on table; each crew member picks out their weapon.

AMY
Wow! With these sais, I feel just like Carmen Electra.

RYVUL
Isn’t that Electra Nachios?

AMY
I always get those two mixed up.

FARNSWORTH (CU)
Off you go, bring me back Santa’s head, lungs,
liver, heart, lungs,

LS; Planet Express crew is gone; Farnsworth looks around confused.

FADE OUT

FADE IN
Planet Express Ship flying towards Neptune.

LEELA (CU)
Okay crew, listen up. Your mission is to seek Santa
and destroy him. You may not find him. It is most likely
he may find you, and if either of you find each other,
be on your guard. Anything can happen out there.

Ryvul, Bender, and Amy head out; Fry turns to Leela.

FRY
Leela before I go out and die
could you kiss me in case I…..
(Leela shoves him out the door)
AAAAAAAAH!


Fry, Ryvul, Bender, and Amy set out to look for Santa.

FRY (CU)
Where is that mean Santa? When I find him I’ll….

Santa lands behind Fry.

ZOOM OUT LS
SANTA
You’ll do what?

CU
Fry screams.





SANTA
What do we have here? Planet Express jerkies coming to
hunt me down? How naughty of you. You know
weapons are not toys. I’ll show you all…
(takes out machine gun)
MY TOYS!
(starts firing) HO! HO! HO!

Fry screams; jumps behind rock; chatters teeth. Bender and Amy fight bravely against Santa; Amy gets thrown into rock.
PAN LEFT
Amy screams; falls down hurt.

BENDER
Amy?

Bender gets punched.
PAN LEFT
Bender flies into same rock Amy hit; Bender falls down hurt.

SANTA
HO! HO! HO! Who’s next?
(turns to Ryvul)
Ryvul Kentra. The escaped Cybergeist who
refused to serve at the side of evil.
Very naughty indeed.

RYVUL (CU)
(curious)
How is it that you know my name?
This is only our first meeting.

SANTA
And our last meeting. As a Santa robot,
I know all names.

RYVUL
I fail to see how fleeing evil classifies as being naughty.
By escaping Mechanos, I tried to avoid
doing naughty things.





SANTA
Enough!
(cocks machine gun)
Time to join your friends in hell!


Santa fires; Ryvul tries to flee from Santa to report to Leela about Bender and Amy’s injury; Santa grabs Ryvul preventing his escape; throws Ryvul on ground.

SANTA
You’re not going anywhere!

Santa places foot on Ryvul’s chest with bazooka to face.

SANTA
It’s all over Ryvul, say goodnight!

Ryvul kicks Santa off.

RYVUL
Over? Or just getting started?
I have my own toys. Let’s see
how you fare with…
(takes out hookswords)
Double Hooksword!

SANTA (CU)
You think those hookswords are a match
for my bazooka?
(takes out bazooka)

RYVUL (CU)
(clings to hookswords)
Let’s find out.

Santa fires bazooka; Ryvul jumps over projectile and counters Santa’s attack;
tears away at Santa; opens chest; bleeding him dry of all internal circuitry;
kicks Santa into rock; Ryvul approaches the wounded Santa.

SANTA
Wait Ryvul, if you spare Santa, he’ll give you a present.





RYVUL
Your tricks have no effect on me Santa.
I stopped believing in you when I was seven.
I have a present for you.
(rears hooksword back)
Merry Xmas Santa.

Ryvul swings his hooksword sending Santa’s head into frozen lake; mecha piranhas infest Santa’s head; Ryvul walks over to Bender and Amy to pick them up.


RYVUL
Are you guys all right?

BENDER
You’re the greatest pal Ryvul.

AMY
Yeah. You were like Kabal as if
he were in Sin City.

The ship lands.

RYVUL
Come on, let’s get you two on the ship.
(carries Bender and Amy towards ship)

Fry comes out of hiding.
FRY
(follows Ryvul towards ship)
What’s wrong Ryvul? I thought you didn’t like
missions involving manslaughter.

RYVUL
Only if they involve innocent lives.
Santa was not innocent.

Leela opens door; Ryvul carries Bender and Amy on board with Fry behind him.

RYVUL
Santa was destroyed, but Bender and
Amy are seriously injured.

FRY
I stayed alive, so I’m gonna go play…

LEELA
(Holds Fry back)
I don’t think so. While Bender and Amy were out there
getting themselves brutally beaten, you were cowering
behind that rock like the pussy you are!

FRY
But Leela, I’m too young to die!

LEELA
For failure to help in battle, You’re gonna
resuscitate Bender and Amy.

FRY
But I’m not a doctor. Why don’t you ask Zoi….

LEELA
(CU; grabs Fry by the lapels)
You slacked off while everyone else was fighting
for their lives. Either you restore Bender and
Amy to full health, or I’ll cut your balls
off and feed them to Nibbler!


Fry takes Bender and Amy from Ryvul’s arms and squirms off slowly.

LEELA
(elbows Fry’s back)
NOW!!

Fry runs off.
LEELA
(turns to Ryvul; puts her hands on his shoulders)
Ryvul, if you weren’t there, those guys
probably wouldn’t be back on the ship right now.
What do you say for another moonlit walk in
New New York?

Ryvul smiles ear to ear.

FADE OUT

CLOSING CREDITS
BGM: QUEENSRYCHE: SILENT LUCIDITY:
Ryvul and Leela walk together in snowy night of New New York.

LEELA
You know what’s funny about Fry? He’s ten years
older than you and he still acts like a baboon.
And you proved to me that you truly are
my most trusted co-worker tonight when you mutilated
Santa while Fry was shaking behind that rock
like the pansy he is.

RYVUL
You seemed like the type that doesn’t like
taking “no” for an answer. You’re obviously
the captain of Planet Express and I would
take orders anyway regardless of appearance.

LEELA
Fry has his robot buddy, so I could use
a bad ass mutant cyborg like you for a partner.

RYVUL
(sighs)
Those two are a pair.

Leela notices a shriveled plant above them attached to an overboard.

LEELA
Look Ryvul, were under the mistletoe.

RYVUL
What does that mean?

Leela grabs Ryvul smothering her mouth over his face; Ryvul gets tranquilized by the effect.

[cerberus]

cool, cool, script!

[Ryvul]

If you liked Cybergeist, I have this other one where Leela forms a secretive clan of assassins called the "Jade Wyvern" after the decapitation of Zapp Brannigan.

[cerberus]

post it up plz!

[Ryvul]

Jade Wyvern

FADE IN
NIGHTTIME
ZAPP BRANNIGAN’S STRONGHOLD
INTERIOR

Two guards are talking about how poorly Zapp treats them.

GUARD 1
Why does Zapp always have me clean his underwear?
Why doesn’t he just throw them in the wash?

GUARD 2
I just wish someone would sneak up and kill him.

ZAPP
(VO on speaker)
Attention everyone, please report to the main
ceremonial hallway for an announcement.

GUARD 1
Aw crap!

FADE TO
Mysterious cloaked figure lurks in a dark room.

DEEP CYBORG VOICE (ECU)
Assignment: Kill Zapp Brannigan.

MS
FRY, RYVUL, LEELA, BENDER, and FARNSWORTH stand in the crowd.

FRY
You know the worst thing about being in a
big ceremonial speech?
All the guy does is talk and you have to
stand in it and listen, and you can’t…..

LEELA
(stuffs a sock in Fry’s mouth)
What else is there about being in a big
ceremonial speech you overtalking jackass?

CUT TO
CU
Zapp approaching balcony.


ZAPP
Your attention please. I called you all here to tell
you that (pauses) I had failed to win Leela’s heart
myself. Things have grown more complicated
between us because of that scary shadow
creature she allied with.
(rambles on in background)

CUT TO
MS
Ryvul offers Leela a cloak.

LEELA
Thanks Ryvul, but I don’t think
I need to hide from Zapp.

CUT TO
Cloaked figure sneaks to large door; guards spring attack; figure attacks and chops guards to pieces; proceeds to large door.
CUT TO
Zapp’s speech.

ZAPP
…and if you do not find
Leela and bring her to me,
I shall de-promote you all to….

A knife pierces through Zapp’s chest; Zapp is suddenly decapitated; Zapp’s head falls on cyborg’s blade; Zapp's body falls to floor; brief silence; crowd cheers

NIXON
(singing)
Ding dong the Captain’s dead.

KIF
What Captain?

NIXON
The Fat Captain.

RYVUL (CU)
Looks like I’m not the only one who’s
thought of killing Zapp Brannigan.




LEELA (MS)
(takes out her monocular)
Whoever the culprit is, he seems to be wearing
a black trench coat and sunglasses,
(lowers monocular; raises monocular again)
and a black fedora hat
(lowers again; raises again)
and he’s black in skin.

BENDER (CU)
Could it be me, Bender?

ZOOM OUT

LEELA
(slaps Bender spinning his head)
Do any of those descriptions fit you Bender?
Also, how could you be up there when you’re down here?
I’m gonna find out who that is up there.

FARNSWORTH
Just be careful he doesn’t
chop you to pieces Leela.

LEELA
(turns to Farnsworth)
If I could get along with someone like Ryvul,
surely I could ally myself with the assassin up there too.

FARNSWORTH
Well okay, but don’t call me “Shirley.”

CUT TO
Cloaked cyborg holds Zapp’s head over cheering crowd.

LEELA
Excuse me sir?

Cloaked cyborg drops Zapp’s head; turns to Leela.

LEELA
You did everyone a favor in killing Zapp Brannigan.
How about telling me your name?

CLOAKED CYBORG
(deep cyborg voice)
Ginox.

LEELA
I’m Leela.

GINOX
(recording memory)
Leela.

LEELA
Yes… Ginox. I thought for your course of action,
I’d hire you as my personal assassin.

GINOX
(stares at Leela for a moment)
Offer accepted. (holds hand out to Leela; they shake)

BENDER (OS)
Why can’t I be your personal assassin?

PAN RIGHT

LEELA
(turns to Bender)
Bender, how’d you get here!?
FADE OUT

FADE IN
MS
LINDA AND MORBO at News Channel

LINDA
At four a.m. yesterday, Space Captain
Zapp Brannigan was
decapitated during his
speech by a mysterious
cyborg assassin named “Ginox.”

MORBO (CU)
Morbo is delighted to hear about this “Ginox.”
May Ginox mutilate
all who stand in his way!
Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!

LINDA (MS)
(Laughs)
A ranking poll came today about
concern of Zapp Brannigan’s death.
Only 1 percent is offended by Brannigan’s death,
and 99 percent say they’re glad he’s dead.
The one percent is obviously
from Zapp Brannigan himself.
I myself always hated Zapp
ever since I first heard of him.

MORBO
Morbo too!

LINDA
So who really gives a damn about
this fat bastard anyway?

LEELA
(turns off TV)
Well Ginox, it sounds like
you’re a hero to society.

GINOX
Hero.

LEELA
Let me introduce you to the
rest of the planet express crew.

GINOX
Rest of crew.

Leela brings Ginox to meet Ryvul.

LEELA
Ginox, this is Ryvul, my
most trusted co-worker.

GINOX
Most trusted.

RYVUL
Looks like I’m not the only bad ass
mutant cyborg here anymore.

Leela brings Ginox to meet Fry and Bender.

LEELA
These guys here are Fry and Bender.
They go on most of my delivery missions,
but can be major screw ups.

GINOX
Screw ups; Use with caution.

FRY
How come Ginox doesn’t use complete
sentences when he talks?

GINOX
Does not compute.

BENDER
Even I don’t say (computer voice)
“Does not compute”
or (computer voice)
“Target apprehended.”

LEELA
He may have some speech impairment
in his communication system.
(to Ginox)
Ginox, even though you cleanse the
world of ignorance and stupidity,
I’ve known Fry and Bender
for sometime now.
So don’t kill them or anyone
who works in Planet Express.

GINOX
Spare lives of Planet Express
workers; Spare Fry and Bender.

Leela brings Ginox to meet Hermes and Amy .

LEELA
Hermes is our desk bureaucrat,
and Amy has a rich family.

GINOX
Rich bureaucrat.

HERMES
Sweet Mantis of Atlantis!

AMY
(yells Chinese gibberish)
He looks like a Japanese anime character.

GINOX
Japanese Mantis?

LEELA
Not quite Ginox.
If you separate what
you just said…
oh lets move on.

Leela yanks Ginox’s arm; brings him to meet ZOIDBERG.

LEELA
This is Dr. Zoidberg.

ZOIDBERG
(jumps on table)
Keep your steel claws away from me.
I have nothing! (sobs)

GINOX
Oddball.

Zoidberg screams.

LEELA
It’s all right Zoidberg,
Ginox won’t hurt you.
I specifically told him not
to kill anyone in this facility.

Ginox lends hand out to Zoidberg.

ZOIDBERG
Aaaah! He’s got a gun!

LEELA
He’s just trying to shake hands with you.

Zoidberg scurries up lampshade screaming.

LEELA
(brings to Farnsworth)
And this is the master of the
Planet Express stronghold,
Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

GINOX
Stronghold Kingpin.

FARNSWORTH
So this is who killed Zapp Brannigan yesterday?

LEELA
Yes Professor. Could you help fix Ginox’s
communication program?
He doesn’t talk using complete sentences.

FARNSWORTH
Well it is technically possible, but…

LEELA
(slaps him)
I don’t care if you’re in your pajamas,
JUST DO IT!!

FADE TO BLACK; 2 hours later;
Ginox wakes up from operating table.

GINOX
Where am I?

FARNSWORTH
I reprogrammed your communication system
so you can talk using complete sentences.

LEELA
And if you’ve forgotten while you were under,
would you like for me to reintroduce you to everyone?

GINOX
No need.

FARNSWORTH
Oh phoo! I failed!

GINOX
I remember everyone
you introduced me to.
I couldn’t speak fully because
my previous master only made
my communication system half way.

FARNSWORTH
Oh never mind.
(snores)

FRY
(pauses)
Was than an uncomplete sentence he said?

RYVUL
His voice is still the same.

LEELA
Alright Ginox, ready
for your first assignment?

GINOX
Yes.

LEELA
I need for you to go out and find other
warriors with your experience.
A good captain needs an elite group of assassins
to watch her back, and I call this group…
(zooms in) The Jade Wyvern.

FADE OUT

FADE IN

EXTERIOR OF PLANET EXPRESS BUILDING; DAY; FADE IN TO CU
Leela holding sheets in her hand with Ginox.


LEELA
Okay Ginox, your mission is to find two warriors
to start up the Jade Wyvern.
I’ve done enough research on local assassins online,
and these are the two you need to find.

Leela hands Ginox two printout pictures

LEELA
It tells you their whereabouts, strengths, weaknesses,
everything you need to know about them.

Ginox sets off

NEW SCENE
Female assassin training against robot dummies; knocking on door.

ASSASSIN
Enter!

Door opens and closes; Ginox steps inside.

GINOX
(steps in to focus)
I am in search of an assassin named “Talcata.”

ASSASSIN
That’s me, what do you want?


GINOX
I seek out highly trained assassins to join me
in a clan called the “Jade Wyvern.”

TALCATA
Sounds interesting.

GINOX
It says here you are an
expert at countering attacks.

TALCATA
I sure am, watch this.


Robot dummy throws punch; TALCATA swerves under; kicks torso in air; torso falls on butterflies; tears torso apart.





GINOX
You really do have what it
takes to be a Jade Wyvern.


TALCATA
You mean it? Okay, I’ll join.

NEW SCENE

Long haired blond man getting shirt ripped off by hooligans; SFX; RIPPING SHIRT; picks up pair of scissors; breaks in two; fights back stabbing a few guts; Ginox and Talcata approach.

GINOX
(intrigued)
Your fighting skills impress me.

MAN
(feeling threatened)
Who are you?

GINOX
We are the Jade Wyvern.
I am Ginox, and this is Talcata.

MAN
Name’s Jaguar. They call me that ‘cause if you
back me into a corner, I’ll unleash my fury like a wild animal.
So what is the Jade Wyvern exactly?

GINOX
It is an elite group of assassins formed
by a Cyclops named “Leela,”
(shows him a picture)
and we were hoping you could be a part of it.

JAGUAR
Sure, I’d love to join. She’s pretty hot lookin’.

GINOX
Just do what she tells you, and you’ll be respected.

FADE TO
Leela holds Jade Wyvern meeting.

LEELA
Okay Wyverns, listen up.
There is a cult calling themselves
the “Silver Stewie” that plans to breach a nearby
village taking many innocent lives and eventually
their own in hopes of having a Family Guy afterlife.

JAGUAR
That’s who I thought
the cult was named after.

LEELA
Your mission is to find
where the cult is being held,
and I’ll give you the signal to attack.
Be on the lookout for a large
silver statue of Stewie Griffin.
That’s where you’ll find the cult.

NEW SCENE
Night time; hill looming over cult meeting.

Wyverns find cult location.

GINOX
(on cell)
We have found the
Silver Stewie Cult.



LEELA
(on cell)
Excellent, now wait for my signal.

JAGUAR
How long do we wait until we attack?
I want some action!

Ginox holds Jaguar back
GINOX
We do not attack until Leela hears that
the cult is about to disperse and destroy.

Ginox waits 10 seconds for Leela’s signal; Leela holds up white flag


GINOX
It’s time!

CUT TO
The Cult Leader tells his followers to fan out.

LEAD CULTIST
Go get ‘em boys.
Let’s show everyone that
Family Guy dominates everything!

Cultist gets stabbed in back; Wyverns attack cult; limbs, heads and organs fly; massive corpse pile; Ginox beheads leader.

Leela ninja jumps down from stone pillar.


LEELA
Jaguar Talcata, you both have
great fighting skills and are
both well suited for the Jade Wyvern.
However, I must
pit you two against each other to
decide which of you is truly fit for the clan.

JAGUAR and TALCATA engage each other for battle.


Ginox raises his blades.
GINOX
Begin!
Ginox lowers blades.

JAGUAR
This is gonna be fun!

TALCATA
Don’t get your hopes up too high cat-boy.

Jaguar attacks; Talcata dodges every attack Jaguar throws at her.

TALCATA
Is that all you got?

Jaguar swings more ferociously; Talcata kicks him back.

TALCATA
I’ve seen the Tasmanian Devil
hit more accurately than that.

JAGUAR
(swinging wildly)
WILL YOU HOLD STILL!!?

TALCATA
(grabs his arm)
Why don’t you?
(attacks back at Jaguar)
EEEEEEYAH!!!

Punches nose; elbows stomach; slashes waste; stabs chest; pulls Jaguar over to whisper in his ear.
TALCATA
(whispering)
I’ve got your heart!


Talcata rips Jaguar’s heart out; Jaguar holds bleeding chest; looks up at Talcata.

JAGUAR
You……..bitch!
Jaguar falls over dead.

TALCATA
Heh! He was fun.

Talcata kneels before Ginox and Leela; Ginox places his blade on Talcata’s shoulder in honor.


GINOX
You have proven yourself
to be a true Jade Wyvern.
You have earned your
place as my bodyguard.
We will soon find more recruits
for the Jade Wyvern,
thereby keeping the strong,
and disposing of the weak.

Shadowy figure approaches.

TALCATA
Who is that? Is that
Rob Zombie coming for us?

GINOX
No. It is my old master, Tagar.

TAGAR
Why Ginox, what a surprise to see you here.

GINOX
I apologize if I’ve abandoned your clan.

TAGAR
No it’s not that. I came here to say,
I’m quite impressed of how my creation
suddenly became a leader.

LEELA
The Jade Wyvern was my idea.

TAGAR
This makes me happy. My creation,
offered a chance to become leader of a clan
by a strong willed female space captain,
and his communication skills have improved too.

LEELA
We had the Professor
make a few adjustments
to Ginox’s communication system.

TAGAR
And that’s good.
(to Ginox)
Ginox, you’ve served me well as an
assassin for three years, you deserve to be
a leader of another clan.

GINOX
It was an honor to be
a member of Moonsaw.



TAGAR
Good luck on your future missions Ginox.

Tagar turns and leaves

LEELA
Well, we should be getting back now.

They leave.
NEW SCENE

FADE TO

Ryvul sits alone and depressed in the dark.

GINOX
(walks into view)
Is something wrong, Ryvul?

RYVUL
I feel that ever since Leela started this whole
Jade Wyvern thing, I felt left out of her circle.

GINOX
I think I know how I could make it up to you.

RYVUL
How?

GINOX
I could help make you a better ninja warrior.
I’ve studied advanced ninjitsu while I was still with Moonsaw.
I would like for Leela to teach both of us
advanced ninjitsu together.
I will show you the techniques.

Ryvul starts to smile
LEELA
(walks in)
I think you’ll both do good
in advanced ninjitsu Ryvul.
Ginox can show you
how to conceal yourself in
darkness in ways never thought of before.


RYVUL
(thinks for a brief moment)
I accept.
(shakes Ginox’s hand in agreement)


FADE TO BLACK; CLOSING CREDITS

[cerberus]

thanks dude, i'll give this a thorough read later on! :D

[Ryvul]

This next episode, While throwing away scraps in the Planet Express boiler room, Fry discovers what he believes to be a werewolf. Nobody believes him except Ryvul. The two later find out the true nature of this "werewolf."

Monster in the Boiler Room

FADE IN
Evening; 7pm Planet Express interior

Leela sits on the couch; Fry walks into the room

FRY
Leela, can I talk to you
about Ryvul?

LEELA
Yeah sure, what?

FRY
Ever since Ryvul joined Planet
Express, you always turned your
attention to him like he’s the
new kid in school.

LEELA
Well Fry, maybe it’s because
Ryvul listens to what I say,
unlike you who always tried
balancing dishes on your nose
like a seal on dope.

FRY
Come on Leela, what about
the time I played the hollophoner
for you and you loved me for it?

LEELA
I never loved you Fry.
And the crying to the music
you played for me, I was
faking it. All those kisses
were fake too. If Ryvul
could play the hollophoner,
I would hear much better music.

FRY
What does Ryvul have that I don’t?

LEELA
(offers Fry a trash can)
Here Fry, wanna prove you’re still
worth a damn to me?
LEELA (cnt’d)
Toss these scraps in the big trash can
in the boiler room.

Fry groans; walks off.

RYVUL
I could do it.

LEELA
I know Ryvul, we just gotta
let Fry do a little work around here
so he’s not lazy.

Fry walks down the stairs in the boiler room with a can of scraps; dumps them in a large trash can; hears low growling.

FRY
Who’s that?

Growling continues; two bright red eyes shine from the darkness; bright yellow teeth are shown; creature comes out in the form of a wolf.

FRY
Oh, it’s just a dog.

The wolf roars; Fry screams and runs up the stairs.
CUT TO
Fry runs into the kitchen with everyone sitting at the table.

FRY
Guys, you’re not gonna believe
what I saw in the boiler room.

BENDER
A pool table?

RYVUL
The Mortal Kombat II arcade?

AMY
Erotic assassin wear?

LEELA
A juke box?

HERMES
A Limbolympics playset?

ZOIDBERG
Food?

FARNSWORTH
The world’s largest suppository?

FRY
No. There’s a werewolf in
The boiler room.
AMY
(scoffs)
You think you saw a werewolf?

FRY
He was as real as that mermaid!
He was peering through the shadows
and he said
(makes snarly noises)
and I said AAAAAAH!

HERMES
Yeah right mon!

FARNSWORTH
Nonsense! I’m not hiding any
wolves in the boiler room!

Everyone mutters in the background.

FRY
Aw come on guys, you gotta
believe me, he had bright red eyes,
and shiny gold teeth and
he was all like
(makes snarly noises)

RYVUL
(holds Fry still)
Fry, calm down. Where did you last
see this werewolf?

FRY
Ryvul you… you believe me?

CUT TO
Ryvul and Fry step down into the boiler room with flashlights.

RYVUL
Well if you think about it, I’m pretty
supernatural myself.

FRY
This is where I last found the werewolf.

RYVUL
Supernatural creatures are most likely to
hide in dark places.

Fry follows Ryvul as they search for the werewolf.

RYVUL
Hey Fry, you know how you said
you said you can relate to Bigfoot?

FRY
Yeah, Bigfoot’s my hero.

RYVUL
Well, I can relate to
Frankenstein’s Monster.

FRY
Why do you say that?

RYVUL
Frankenstein’s Monster has a form
of autism and I was said to have the same.

FRY
Go on.

RYVUL
When you have a form of autism or
Asperger’s Syndrome, it’s hard to explain
certain things you don’t know about.




FRY
A giant brain told me I lacked
something called the
delta brain wave.

RYVUL
I don’t know what’s missing
in me. Another thing that
relates me to Frankenstein’s
Monster is I’m pyrophobic.

FRY
What does that mean?

RYVUL
It means I’m afraid of fire,
and so was he.

FRY
You looked like the kind of
guy that’s not afraid of anything.

RYVUL
Everyone is afraid of one
thing or another.

FRY
Really, what else are
you afraid of?

RYVUL
Bees.

FRY
Ohh, those’ll get you alright.

Ryvul’s light shines upward on a wolf-like face; the werewolf growls.

RYVUL
Is this your werewolf?

Fry nervously nods his head; the werewolf smacks and pins Ryvul to the floor.

RYVUL
Fry! Get the others….
while you still can…
RYVUL (cnt’d)
and bring them down here.

Fry runs up the stairs;

FADE OUT

FADE IN
Evening; 6pm; boiler room interior.

Ryvul wrestles with the werewolf; the wolf throws Ryvul into a pipe breaking it; steam is released; Ryvul tries to feel his way around to make it out; a giant wolf claw strikes Ryvul down; the steam clears; Ryvul discovers the wolf has yellow tiger stripes and hooves for lower legs; the wolf tries to take a bite out of Ryvul; Ryvul clings onto the wolf’s jaw; the wolf throws Ryvul into a wall and corners him.

RYVUL
I didn’t mean any harm.

CU; the wolf growls;

WOLF
I…I’m sorry. I get a
little uneasy around
new visitors.

FRY
There’s the werewolf!

The wolf turns and growls at Fry, Leela, and Bender.


BENDER
We’re boned!

The wolf runs up to Fry, Leela, and Bender; Ryvul tackles the wolf pinning him down.


RYVUL
It’s alright, they’re friends of mine.

WOLF
You may release me now,
I am of no danger.
Ryvul lets the wolf up.

WOLF
Perhaps I should start off with
who I am first. I am Hybreed.

RYVUL
Ryvul.

FRY
I’m Fry.

LEELA
Captain Leela.

BENDER
I’m Bender baby, and
don’t you forget it.

FRY
I’m Fry.

LEELA
We all heard you Fry.
Is this the werewolf you were
talking about while you were
taking down the trash?

BENDER
(British accent)
There wolf. There trash can.

FRY
Something smells like black.

HYBREED
There’s not much thinking
prowess in this one.

FRY
Yes there does.

LEELA
So Hybreed, tell us
about yourself.

HYBREED
If you must pry.

LEELA
I must, I must.

HYBREED
This boiler room has been my
sanctuary for nine years.
FADE TO

Farnsworth holds a vile of mixed DNA; takes Michael Clarke Duncan’s head’s DNA

HYBREED
To create me, the Professor combined
The DNA of a wolf, a tiger, a horse,
and Michael Clarke Duncan. The
Professor was like…my father.
I was intrigued by his work.

FADE TO
Inventor of the year ceremony.

HYBREED
When I was brought to the Inventor of
the Year ceremony, I had been ridiculed
by a rival scientist named Wernstrom.
Everyone panicked when they saw me
on stage. The Professor felt it was best
to keep me isolated here in the boiler room
where no one would find me.

FADE TO
Hybreed watches TV.

HYBREED
I have seen enough monster movies to
accept my incarceration. Knowing what
would happen to me if I set foot outside
the Planet Express facility, I vowed
to never leave my sanctuary.

FADE BACK
LEELA
That must be so sad. It sounds like
you’ve been traumatized by too many
monster movies. Maybe we should take
you to see the Professor
HYBREED
(nervously)
But…what if he doesn’t remember me?


LEELA
He made you, how could he not
remember his own creations?
NEW SCENE

FARNSWORTH (CU)
BUNK I TELL YOU!!
I’M NOT A MAD SCIENTIST!!

RYVUL
You’re sure acting like one.

FARNSWORTH
YOU’RE ALL MAD!
I DON’T MAKE WEREWOLVES!!

LEELA
(to Hybreed)
Looks like you’re gonna
have to take this on
yourself Hybreed.

Hybreed walks up to Farnsworth.

FARNSWORTH
AAAH!! A WEREWOLF!
SOMEBODY TOSS ME OUT
THE WINDOW!!

LEELA
Uh Professor, he’s your werewolf.

HYBREED
Remember nine years ago, you spliced
Several animals’ DNA to make me?

FARNSWORTH
Then what?



HYBREED
Then you brought me to the
Inventor of the Year ceremony.
Everyone was afraid of me and
you locked me in the boiler
room for nine years to
ensure my safety.

Farnsworth still doesn’t remember.


HYBREED
It’s me, Hybreed.

FARNSWORTH
Hy…breed?
Oh yes, Hybreed!
Farnsworth and Hybreed hug.

BENDER
(sniffs)
Isn’t this beautiful?

WERNSTROM
(walks in)
Well well, isn’t this a
tearful reunion?

FARNSWORTH
Stay back Hybreed,
I won’t let him scare you
again.
(to Wernstrom)
Why don’t you take your
sorry wrinkled ass
and get out of here
Wernstrom!?

WERNSTROM
Face it Farnsworth, your monster
isn’t safe anywhere! I have the
perfect prison for this despicable
creature to be locked away
forever in.


HYBREED
(walks up to Wernstrom)
WERNSTROM!
(grabs Wernstrom)
It was you who made the
Professor lock me away
all those years.

WERNSTROM
That’s because you’re a freak!

HYBREED
(enraged)
It’s beasts like you who should
forever be locked away!
YOU SCARRED ME FOR LIFE!

Hybreed growls at Wernstrom; gets ready to bite Wernstrom’s head off; Wernstrom struggles for freedom; Hybreed throws Wernstrom at a wall; Wernstrom gets up and runs scared.




HYBREED
You better run Wernstrom!
If you com inside or anywhere
near the Planet Express facility again,
you’ll be wolf food!

Wernstrom runs out the door.

FARNSWORTH
Oh thank you Hybreed.
Is there anything I can do
to repay you?

HYBREED
I’ve always been fascinated by
your work in the laboratory,
so I thought I could work
with you as your assistant.

FARNSWORTH
Why of course.

HYBREED
(to Ryvul, Leela, Fry, and Bender)
Hey, thanks for helping me
come out of my shell.

BENDER
Wolves have shells?

HYBREED
You’re funny Bender.
(walks off with Farnsworth)

[Pazuzu]

Nice one Ryvul! :D

[Ryvul]

Here's a script I know that'll make you all laugh. It has Bart Simpson in this one. I call it "Fry and Bart's Episode Warp Adventure." I even have an uncensored version of this if there's a certain place you want me to put it.

FADE IN
Nighttime; Planet Express interior;

FRY connects to the internet.

FRY
Time to surf the web!

CUT TO
Fry literally surfs the web on blue grid waves.

FRY
Weeee heheheheee!

Bart Simpson surfs into view.

BART
Hey Fry! Over here man!

FRY
Bart Simpson? Is that you?

BART
You know it!
Want a picture of me?

FRY
Sure.

Bart throws a picture of him at Fry; Fry screams and falls off his surfboard; CUT TO
Fry falling towards shelf.

FRY
I’m gonna hang this in my room.

A potion of ink falls off the shelf.

FRY
No! Not the picture!

The potion splashes all over Fry’s picture.

FRY
NOOOOOOOO!

Fry bawls his eyes out until Bart steps out in front of him.

BART
Hey man, what are
you screamin’ about?

FRY
Bart! You’re….you’re real!?

BART
Of course I am. Who said I wasn’t?

A blue and pink portal appears sucking both Fry and Bart in.

FRY AND BART
(simultaneously)
AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

NEW SCENE
Fry is back at Panucci’s Pizza.

FRY
Oh no, not this place again.

MR. PANUCCI
Hey Fry, ya got a delivery to make.

Phone rings.

MR. PANUCCI
Hello Panucci’s Pizza.

BART (OS on phone)
Hi, I’m looking for Nick, first initial U.

MR. PANUCCI
U. Nick lemme check. Hey, I’m
looking for a U. Nick Is anyone here a
U. Nick? I need a U. Nick right now!

FRY
I don’t think anyone here has
reached that stage yet.


MR. PANUCCI
Listen you shriveled up nutsack!
MR. PANUCCI (cnt’d)
When I get my hands on you I’m gonna
shove a rusty nail up your peehole!

Phone rings

MR. PANUCCI
Panucci’s Pizza.

BART
I’m looking for Ms. Neebut,
first name Myra.

MR. PANUCCI
Let me check. Myra Neebut?
Hey anyone here know about Myra Neebut?

FRY
(sniffs)
Is that why it smells like
dead monkeys here?

MR. PANUCCI
When I get a hold of you, I’m gonna
rearrange your digestive system
so that you’ll fart out of your mouth
and burp out of your ass!

MR. PANUCCI
(to Fry)
Well get goin’ I ain’t payin’ you to laugh.

BART
No, but I am!

MR. PANUCCI
So you were the one makin’
those prank calls?
(takes out shotgun)
That’s it you’re dead!
You’re both dead!

MR. PANUCCI
(looks around)
Where’d they go?

NEW SCENE
Fry and Bart look around and find out they’re in front of Springfield Elementary.

FRY
Where are we?

BART
Where in good old Springfield man.
Let me show you how I redecorate this place.

Bart sprays a picture of Principal Skinner on the school foundation saying “I am a weiner;” Fry and Bart snicker; Skinner steps into the picture.

SKINNER
Who did this?
Let’s see your hands!

Fry and Bart nervously show their spray paint stained hands.

FRY
Uh, these are severe cuts sir.

SKINNER
I don’t care what they are, I wanna
see both of you after school today.

Fry flips Bart towards Skinner clapping his face; Fry claps Skinner’s face too and they run off.

SKINNER
Vandalize me, willya?
Skinner gives chase until Fry and Bart run through a portal.

NEW SCENE
Fry and Bart are on the Planet Express Ship with Leela and Bender.

FRY
Thanks for saving us from Skinner, Leela.

LEELA
What are you talking about? You were here on
the ship with me the whole time.

FRY
I printed out a picture of Bart Simpson to hang in
my room, then we got sucked through a wormhole, and
FRY (cnt’d)
now, we’re experiencing flashbacks.

LEELA
That’s nice, tell me more when we reach
Alkazar’s home world.

BART
What about that popcorn
delivery we gotta make?

LEELA
I chucked it overboard. I’m sure the floating popcorn
will reach its destination sometime Bart.

BART
(takes out a bag of popcorn)
I have a bag of popcorn if you
want to stop on the way.

LEELA
That’s not good enough Bart, we had
a two-ton crate we had to ship to Cineplex-14,
but now it’s too late.

BART
(curious)
So Leela, I gotta ask you. What’s up with
your eye? Is it some kind of birth defect?

Leela stuffs the bag of popcorn in Bart’s mouth.

LEELA
Ask another question about my eye, and I’ll
change you from yellow to black and blue
with a little red tainted.

CUT TO
The Planet Express ship lands on Alkazar’s homeworld; The crew steps out of the ship.

LEELA
Looks like this must be the place.

BART
We better keep an eye out for any
mutant aliens.

Leela slaps Bart in the back of the head.

BART
Ow!

CUT TO LS
Leela rides with Alkazar on cart while Bart, Fry and Bender walk.

BART
Hey Fry, is your boss that abusive?

FRY
Well, she does make us do a lot of work.

BART
So your saying if she caught me doing some work
around here, she’d like me?

FRY
Yeah, something like that. No matter what,
I can’t seem to impress her.

BART
Hmmmmm.

BART’S BRAIN
Wait, I remember this episode, this Alkazar
guy treats Leela like she’s from the middle east.
I know what he tells her next, so why don’t I do
the work for her before he can tell her?

CUT TO
Bart scrubs the dishes in the sink with lightning speed.
CUT TO
Bart stuffs papers in file drawers neatly.
CUT TO
Leela wonders where all the dishes went.
LEELA
Hey, where’d all the dishes go?

BENDER
I didn’t steal ‘em.

LEELA
Bender, I told you to steal the dishes after breakfast.

ALKAZAR
(confused)
How did my naked celebrity photos get so neat
all by themselves?


CUT TO
Bart walks off proud of his work.

BART’S BRAIN
That oughta make things easier around here,
now I can goof off.
(pauses)
Wait a minute. If Leela caught me goofing
off, she might start hucking rocks at me.
telling me to get to work.

FRY
(grabs Bart’s leg)
Psst. Bart.

BART
(turns)
Fry? What’re ya doing in the slammer?

FRY
I tried sneaking in the forbidden valley
to see if there was anything suspicious about Alkazar.

BART
And the guards caught you?

FRY
No, the ground ate me.

BART
I’m surprised you haven’t digested yet.

FRY
Am I in the ass of the ground?

BART
Yeah whatever, just watch out that the
ground doesn’t eat any fruits or veggies.
(walks off)

CUT TO
Bart sees Leela decorating her hair like Peggy’s hair off of “Married with Children.”

BART’S BRAIN
Whoa! That’s some way to decorate your hair.
That shape looks so familiar. It looks like…
CU
Leela sees Bart in the mirror; Bart runs off.

CUT TO
Bart walks in the dining room to find everyone at the table eating.

BART
So it’s dinner time now eh?

BENDER
You know it. Grab yourself a plate and
sit down.

BART
Great, where am I gonna sit at?

BENDER
Right next to the master.

PAN LEFT
empty chair next to Leela.

BART
Next to Leela!? What if she..
you know… hits me?

BART
Okay… gotta look innocent.

Bart takes a bite of his food and whistles; Bart takes another bite and whistles again; Leela shoves a handful of food in Bart’s mouth.

LEELA
Just shut up and eat.

BART’S BRAIN
Okay Bart, no talking. Just eat like she asks.

Bart continues to eat quietly until he sees Leela kissing with Alkazar at the table.

BART
Aww, didja hafta kiss at the table?

Leela smashes a plate over Bart’s head.
FADE OUT



Nighttime; inside of Alkazar’s palace; FADE IN

Bart looks for tasty snacks at the pre-wedding party.

BART’S BRAIN
Okay Bart, you’re no longer at the table.
Leela can’t see what you’re doing.
Just grab a handful of grub as you like.

Bart grabs a plate and picks a few treats from the table until Leela sees him.

BART’S BRAIN
Oh no! She sees me.

Leela starts walking toward Bart.

BART’S BRAIN
She’s coming this way!
Better start organizing.

BART
So this goes here, and that goes…

Leela kneels down behind Bart and puts her hands on his shoulders.

LEELA
Bart, can I talk to you in private?

Leela pulls Bart OC.
CUT TO
Leela talks with Bart in a dark isolated room.

LEELA
Bart, I’ve noticed something about you. You act
like you know something is gonna happen.


BART
Well, it’s kind of a long story.
I watch your show a lot.

LEELA
I’ve heard all about you Bart. You’re a funny guy, really.

BART
You just don’t like me goofing off?

LEELA
Is that why I caught you washing the dishes and
organizing the papers in that file cabinet?

BART
I…..wanted to make you happy in ways Fry could not.
About that question I asked you while we were on the
ship, I was just curious. I didn’t mean any offense.

LEELA
I know you didn’t. In my childhood,
I got picked on a lot
because of my eye.
The pressure was too great to maintain.
I’m sorry if I’ve been so hard on you.

ECU
Leela grabs Bart’s face, and looms over to kiss him; 10 seconds.

LEELA
You want to help me get back at Alkazar?
I snatched a pair
of shears from the kitchen.
I don’t think Alkazar’s bris was
performed accurately,
so you and I are gonna finish what his
rabbi didn’t.

LEELA
I found some nice clothes y
ou can wear for the wedding
so you look sharp. You’ll have
the honor of walking me to the
balcony, as we wait for our
little surprise to spring on Alkazar.

CUT TO
Bart meets Leela in Alkazar’s bedroom; Alkazar is snoring.

LEELA
(whispering)
Good, you’re here. Now help me carefully
attach these shears to
Alkazar’s crotch.
We’ll tie it on with string.

BART
(whispering)
Looks like we’re cuttin’
him up a sausage
in the morning.

NEW SCENE

Bart puts on the fancy clothes Leela got him; Leela knocks on the door and enters.

LEELA
It looks good on you Bart,
now let’s get down to
the wedding ceremony,
our gag begins there.

Hermes plays wedding music on keyboard, Bart walks Leela to the altar; Bart and Leela wait for Alkazar; Alkazar comes and steps up on the altar and hears a loud snap; Alkazar cries hysterically; the whole crowd laughs at Alkazar as he lies on the floor crying and holding his bleeding crotch

BART
I didn’t know guys c
ould get periods too.

Leela cracks up

LEELA
You did good Bart.
It was wrong of me to prejudge you.

Leela holds Bart up close and kisses him.

NEW SCENE
Fry and Bart walk into a discount store and spot a game on the shelf.

FRY
Hey Bart, isn’t that the game you wanted?

BART
Yeah, it was. Now that I have a partner with me,
I could give Bonestorm a second chance.

The mean store guard, Detective Brodka steps into the picture.

BRODKA
You again. And you brought a friend in hopes
of getting the game guaranteed.
You punks are goin’ nowhere except jail!

FRY
Oh yeah? Arrest this!

Fry throws a punch at Brodka; Brodka gets angry and starts strangling Fry; Bart grabs a tazer from Brodka’s back pocket and electrocutes him with it.
BART
Okay, I got the game, let’s go.

Fry and Bart escape with the game through a portal and run into Fry’s ex-girlfriend Michelle.
NEW SCENE

MICHELLE
Come on Fry, why won’t you come to a
new year with me?

BART
‘Cause, he’s happy where he’s at
now leave him alone.

MICHELLE
(to Bart)
I wasn’t talking to you, you little creep.
(shoves him out of the way)

MICHELLE
Come on Fry,
a fresh start on our new life.

FRY
I’m afraid Bart’s right, you’ll just pull my
strings like a puppet again.

MICHELLE
You’re gonna advice from a
ten-year-old twerp?

BART
The kind of twerp that’s trying to save
Fry from making the biggest
mistake in his life!

MICHELLE
You’re not taking Fry away from me,
I own him.

BART
He’s not your dog.

MICHELLE
(grabs Bart)
No, but you’ll be!

Michelle carries Bart to the cryotube; Bart flip kicks Michelle into the cryotube.

BART
Come on Fry, Let’s get outta here.

Fry and Bart run off

MICHELLE
I’ll get you Bart Simpson!

NEW SCENE
Fry and Bart look around to find out that they’re in a garage.

FRY
Where are we?

BART
Looks like a run down garage

FRY
Who’s that guy?

BART
That’s former president
George Bush.

FRY
Junior or Senior?

BART
I dunno, I thought they were the
same guy.

FRY
Yeah they kinda look alike.
Let’s sneak outta here before he sees us.

Fry and Bart sneak out of Bush’s garage and accidentally trip on a paper shredder setting it off to run haywire around the garage and shredding Bush’s memoirs.

BUSH
No! Not my memoirs! When I find out
who did this, they’re gonna…

Bush sees Fry and Bart running off.
BUSH
Oh no you don’t.

Bush chases after Fry and Bart.

FRY
Faster! Bush is right behind us!

BUSH
You’ll pay for what you did to my
memoirs you little punks!

Fry and Bart screech to a cement wall.

FRY
Oh no! Dead end.

BART
We are so screwed aren’t we?

BUSH
(sinister laugh)
Now that I have you freaks cornered,
I wonder what I can do with you.

Bush creeps up towards Fry; Bart grabs Bush’s shirt from behind and knocks him out cold.

BART
By the way, your son
sucks at your job.

Fry and Bart walk off leaving a toothless Bush behind.

NEW SCENE
Bart sees the Robot Devil grafting a large airhorn on to Bender’s face.

ROBOT DEVIL
Let me just get that
horn on, and there.
Now find somebody to
blow their brains out.

BART
(gasps)
I know what happens next!
I must warn Leela.
(runs off)

Leela proceeds to a door and Bart darts right in front of her blocking the door.


BART
Leela! Don’t open that door!

LEELA
Why not?

BART
Bender’s got an airhorn and if you
open that door, he’ll blow your eardrums out.

LEELA
What!? That bastard!
If he wants to pull a dirty prank on me,
I’ve got something nasty for him!

Leela grabs Bart, opens the door, and uses his mouth to muffle Bender’s horn; Bender blows causing Bart to puff up like a blowfish; Leela uses Bart’s jaws to pry off Bender’s horn, takes it out of Bart’s mouth, and throws it on the floor breaking it.

LEELA
What are you trying to do to me Bender?
Blow my head off??

BENDER
(scared)
Leela, I didn’t know it was you.

LEELA
You’re gonna wish it wasn’t me!

Leela starts beating the crap out of Bender.

BART
Alright break it up. It’s not Bender’s fault.
He just didn’t foresee the consequences.
The real person to blame is the Robot
Devil himself.

Bart takes what is left of the airhorn and blows the Robot Devil to pieces.

LEELA
I’m sorry Bender, I forgive you for
your mistake.

BENDER
(weak)
I’m sorry too.

LEELA
(to Bart)
Thanks for saving me Bart.

BART
Hey, it’s no prob. How would you like
me to help you pull a nasty prank on that
sex hog captain Zapp Brannigan.

LEELA
Yeah, I always wanted to pull something
dirty on that pig.

BART
I have an idea.
First we….
(whispers in Leela’s ear)

FADE OUT

Sunset; inside of Zapp Brannigan’s stronghold; FADE IN
Zapp walks by cloaked figure.

BART
(German accent)
Excuse me sir?

ZAPP
Yes, what is it?

BART
(German accent)
Would you like to try some
freshly brewed wine?
It’s free.

ZAPP
Don’t mind if I do.

Zapp takes a drink of the wine from a cup.



BART
(German accent)
Go ahead and drink ze whole bottle.

Zapp chugs the whole bottle.

ZAPP
Damn that stuff’s good.

BART
(German accent)
We’ll see you another time with more
of my special wine.

Zapp walks off;
ECU
Leela removes the hood with Bart’s legs around her shoulders.





LEELA
Zapp doesn’t look like he’s
standing up straight.
What’d you put in there?

BART
Nothing dangerous, just some supersonic
laxative and grinded birth control pills.

FADE TO
Bart and Leela wait inside Zapp’s stronghold for the wine to kick in.

BART
It’s gonna be a while before the
Forth of July celebration begins,
so settle in.

Zapp watches TV

TV ANNOUNCER (VO)
The universe began with
something called “The Big Bang”

ZAPP
So the universe was
created by “The Big Bang”
eh? Speaking of which,
I have to make a “Big Bang”
in the bathroom.

Zapp grunts; lets out really loud fart noises; splatters the bathroom; Nixon is disgusted with what’s going on in there.


NIXON
My god, it’s louder than
the Vietnam War in there!

Zapp’s farting continues.

NIXON
And it smells worse than
the corpses of Vietnam too!

Zapp walks out holding his stomach.

ZAPP
Gee you think so? I think I
stained my velour uniform

NIXON
My god Brannigan
change your uniform!


Bart and Leela crack up.

Zapp walks a few steps; Bart comes out and trips him; Leela applies nerve gas to Zapp’s face;
FADE TO WHITE
Zapp wakes up the next morning and feels something funny in his crotch.

ZAPP
WHERE’S MY……

CUT TO
Nibbler eats from his bowl.

LEELA
Where those good meatballs Nibbler?
How’d you like the sausage?

Nibbler licks his chops.

LEELA
Bart, that was the best prank
you’ve ever came up with.
I’m surprised you don’t do that on your show.

BART
I never thought of it until now.

LEELA
Wait a minute! We’re supposed to be
at Fry’s holophoner performance.

BART
What? Screw that. Fry’s playing some
crappy opera anyway.
I got my own holophoner.

Bart takes out his own holophoner and plays Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes.”

LEELA
How did you know I liked Peter Gabriel?
(sniffs)
This song is so beautiful.

A giant wrinkly hand emerges from a portal and pulls Bart through it.

NEW SCENE

Fry and Bart are hanging in chains with Mom in the room.

MOM
What have we here?
A couple of time bandits.

FRY
No ma’am, your senile dementia must be
kicking in again.

MOM
SHUT YOUR FILTHY HOLE!
(slaps Fry and Bart)


BART
Geez, are you on steroids?

Mom slaps Bart even harder
BART
OW!


MOM
For disrupting the continuum of time,
I hereby sentence you two to the most crippling
and agonizing death thought possible.

Mom leaves the room; Bart squeezes his wrists out of the clamps.

FRY
What are you doing Bart?


BART
My wrists are too small for these clamps.
I know it’s gonna look like I’m
leaving you behind, but I’ve
got a plan. Trust me.

Bart slips free from the clamps and runs somewhere to hide.

MOM
Wait a minute!
Where’s Bart!?

FRY
I ‘unno, he wasn’t here
when I got here.

MOM
Mark my words, when I find Bart,
I’m going to execute you two one at a time,
and he will die first!

MOM
Alright Bart, I know you’re here
somewhere. Come on out where
I can see you.

BART
(unveils the curtain)
Here I am!

Bart whacks Mom with a steel stool; knocking her toothless and unconscious; Bart frees Fry.

FADE TO
Leela kneels next to Bart in the Planet Express main lab.

LEELA
Thanks for saving the day Bart.
(kisses him)
For your boldness, unforgettable pranks,
and the song you played me, I’m
appointing you as assistant
delivery boy where you’ll work forever
as Fry’s partner.


GINOX
Just think of it as a
new chapter in your life.

BART
Thanks, but won’t my family miss me?

FARNSWORTH
Oh that’s no problem, we’ll make an exact
duplicate of you and send it to your family, so
you can stay an work with us.

BART
Sure, I always wanted to
work with a space company.
Who says history is irredeemable?

FARNSWORTH
Then space company it is.

BART
Woo-hoo!

ZOIDBERG
And maybe you can shave Zoidberg’s underhairs.

BART
Nah, I’m not gonna be doing that.

Zoidberg moans with disappointment
FADE OUT
CLOSING CREDITS

[Ryvul]

I Sawed Dat

FADE IN
Dark room interior.
A man wakes up wearing nothing but a strange looking belt.
The man stares at a miniature television with a freaky looking robot puppet.

HACKSAW (TV)
Hello Matthew, I want to play a game.
Lately you’ve been known in life as a
sex pig and a complete pervert.
Someone who likes to screw around
a lot, even with himself. The device wrapped
around your waist is a real sausage slicer.
If you do not find the key to free yourself
in two minutes, the device will cut of your
winky-dink, and you’ll never be able to
pleasure a woman or yourself again.

Matthew struggles to find the key to free himself; he crawls like a dog on the floor; the clock is ticking fast; Matthew throws things all over the place; *SLASH* Matthew screams; he looks down at himself to find out he’s bleeding; Matthew screams even louder; Hacksaw walks in the room.

HACKSAW
Well Matthew, looks like your
lucky leprechaun can’t help you anymore.
You’re on your own.

A dorky looking kid walks in the room.

SQUEEKY VOICED KID
(singing)
Your ding-a-ling,
Your ding-a-ling,
Hacksaw has cuuut
off your ding-a-ling.

Hacksaw pulls a lever on the wall; a 16-ton weight falls on the kid; blood oozes from underneath.

HACKSAW
Who invited that kid?

NEW SCENE
Planet Express building interior




FARNSWORTH
(walks in the room with a box)
Good news everyone! Today you’ll
be delivering these torture devices
to the planet Guiotone-12.

LEELA
But didn’t somebody just die there?

FARNSWORTH
Yes whatever, I don’t watch
much TV. Now off you go, pleasant
trip, yada yada yada.

The crew walks off with the box; The Professor sits on the couch;
BGM: Itchy and Scratchy theme song.

NEW SCENE
Guiotone-12 exterior.
The Planet Express Ship flies toward Guiotone-12.
CUT TO
Dark fortress exterior.
The Ship lands near a tall black ziggurat.
Fry looks at the address on the box.
5257 Bloodshed Blvd.

FRY
This must be the place.

CUT TO
Fortress interior.
PAN RIGHT
The crew walks through the fortress seeing blood and limbs hanging inside prison cells.

LEELA
Leeuucchhh. This place doesn’t
look too lively.

They notice a body floating in a tank.

AMY
Gleecchh! A body in a tank.


Leela notices a speaker with a button next to it saying “press here to find out how he died;” Leela presses the button; the video plays.

On the screen, a man is surrounded by water; he turns toward a TV screen with Hacksaw.

HACKSAW
(on TV)
You like to swim don’t you
Stewart? You thought you could
swim across the Atlantic ocean.
If I hadn’t saved you, you would’ve been
shark lasagna by now. If you think you’re
the best swimmer in the world, show me
by diving deep in this 45 X 50 foot tank and
removing three drain plugs before the water
fills up the entire tank. The minute
you submerge, the water will rise.
Hope you have enough oxygen.

Stewart dives in the water; the water begins to rise; Stewart finds one of the plugs and removes it; swims up for air; the water rises up to his mouth; he submerges; looks for the second plug; has a hard time finding it at first; finds and unplugs it; he tries to go back up for air; the water is all the way at the top; he can’t breathe; he tries to look for the third plug; the plug is hard to find; he stops moving; large bubbles come from his mouth; he floats. TV turns off.


CUT TO

LEELA
Looks like he found the first plug
okay. It took him a while to find the
second plug. The third plug was hard
to find. The water reached the top of
the tank and he couldn’t breathe anymore.

FRY
I bet I could’ve found all three
plugs in time.

LEELA
Fry, that tank was 45 X 50 feet,
and was three quarters full. The
very minute the guy dove in, the water
started rising.

BENDER
I bet I could’ve done it
being I have no lungs.

LEELA
That would’ve been too
easy for you. Whoever’s
doing this makes the challenges
almost impossible to overcome.
You would’ve been in a maze of
giant magnets if this guy caught you.

RYVUL
You think you know death,
look over here.

The crew walks over and notices four mutilated corpses near open doors;
They all gross out.

HERMES
Nauseatin’ mon.
Ryvul presses play on the TV.
A man wakes up in a small room with three doors and three other guys next to him.

HACKSAW (TV)
Hello Lucas.
You like guessing games don’t you?
You play guessing games with others
all the time regardless if they like
them or not, and you never know
when to stop playing them.
Anyone can get irritated with guessing
games, which is why I found three others
like you so you won’t feel so alone while
you’re playing this guessing game that I have
especially for you. Their names are Gary, Robert and Joseph.
Gary, Robert, and Joseph, this is Lucas. In front of you is a
series of three doors. Two of them are
booby trapped. You’ll start off with eye holes
on the doors to make it easy at first. As you
progress, the eye holes will no longer be there,
and you’ll have to feel the door to decide whether
or not it’s safe. You’ll have ten series of doors
to open. Hope you open the right ones.


Lucas, Gary, Robert, and Joseph look through the eye holes; Lucas opens the center door; they find another series of three doors; they look through the eye holes again; they go through the left door; they look through the eye holes again; Robert tries to look through the same eye hole as Joseph;

JOSEPH
Get off me Robert!
(pushes Robert away)

ROBERT
But I’m trying to see through
the eye hole!

They go through the right door; the doors have no eye holes.

ROBERT
What happened to the eye holes?

LUCAS
Weren’t you listening? He said
there weren’t gonna be anymore
eye holes as we go on.

ROBERT
That’s it! I’m going through
this door right here!

LUCAS
Wait!
(feels the left door)
This door’s hot.

ROBERT
I don’t care! I’m
going through!

Robert opens the door; massive flames engulf him; Robert screams at the top of his lungs.

LUCAS
ROBERT!!

Robert falls to the floor dead and burning.



JOSEPH
He always was a hothead whenever
it comes to guessing games.
He would get so pissed whenever
his partner didn’t get the question
right away.


They feel the rest of the doors and go through the center one; Joseph feels the right door.

JOSEPH
This door feels a bit icky.

Gary feels the door on the left;

GARY
This one feels cold.

LUCAS
Then we must go through the center.

They go through the center door.

GARY
So all the right doors are in the middle?

Gary notices there’s no handle on the middle door; Gary starts ramming into the door.

LUCAS
No Gary!
They’re not all the same!

Gary steps back, charges at the center door; the door opens automatically; Gary falls through a hole into a pool of alligators; Gary tries to stay afloat; the alligators ravage Gary with their jaws;

CUT TO
Lucas and Joseph go through the left door;

JOSEPH
(kneels breathlessly on the right door)
Hope they got a fan in here!

The right door opens automatically; Joseph gets sucked in by a giant fan cutting him to pieces.

LUCAS
Looks like the rest is up to me.

Lucas feels the left door; feels the center; walks through the center; Lucas feels the right; door; center door; left door; opens the left door.

LUCAS
I’m getting closer

Lucas feels the left door.

LUCAS
Too hot.
(feels the right door)
Too cold.
(feels the center door;
walks through)
This must be the last series.

Lucas feels the three doors;

LUCAS
All the doors feel the same.

Lucas pauses briefly for a moment; Lucas slowly opens the center door; sees nothing; steps inside.
LUCAS
There’s nothing in here.

A giant spiked compactor crushes Lucas; his blood splatters everywhere; TV turns off.

LEELA
Quite a bloodbath.
Looks like Robert died of
flame engulfment in the fourth series
where the doors no longer had eye holes.
Gary died from falling into a pit full
of alligators in the sixth series, Joseph of a fan
in the seventh series, and Lucas of a
giant spiked compactor in the final series.

FRY
Wow, that sucks.




LEELA
Lucas was so close to getting out
alive, he was only one door away from
freedom.

BENDER
What happened to the
sucker over here?

The crew walks over to a race track with a bloody smear on the floor;
Leela pushes play; a man in race clothing wakes up.

HACKSAW (TV)
Hello David. I hear you like to
show off a lot while on the race track.
You believe you’re the fastest
racer in the world.
If you truly believe that speed triumphs over
accuracy, now’s the time to show me.
Your opponent in this race
will not be another racer, but a giant
medicine ball that will turn you into a pancake
with red syrup if you do not watch yourself.
This race track is booby trapped, so you got
other things to watch for besides that
medicine ball.

The medicine ball breaks from the wall; David runs off; David steps onto an unseen trigger that brings out laser turrets; the turrets begin to fire at David; David dodges every laser being shot at him; David steps on another trigger bringing up a steel beam; David trips over the beam; David struggles to get up, but the medicine ball crushes him leaving behind a bloody smear on the track; video ends.

LEELA
Looks like David’s carelessness
finally caught up with him.

GINOX
Nobody likes a showoff.

FRY
Oh yeah? Whadya say
to this guy?



The crew walks over to a maze of walls with a mutilated corpse on the floor;
Leela pushes play; a puzzled man looks around himself; he is in a dark room surrounded by steel grey walls.

HACKSAW
Hello Arnold. You always liked
mazes didn’t you? You always
asked yourself what it would be like to
actually be in one. Well, this is what a
maze looks like from the inside. I have
given you a radar to help you navigate through
the maze. The big green dot in the middle is you.
The yellow squares are the traps. If you find a red
X on the radar, or in front of you, that is your
way out. As they say, X marks the spot.
Don’t expect this maze to be a cake walk.
This isn’t just a maze, it’s a labyrinth.

Arnold moves ahead watching his position on the radar.

ARNOLD
This isn’t so bad.

Not looking ahead of himself, Arnold trips on a beam and sets off a trap; an attack dog is released; the dog swipes Arnold’s radar off his wrist and begins to chew it to pieces.

ARNOLD
My radar! NOOO!

The dog chases Arnold throughout the maze; Arnold steps on a hidden button and bumps into a wall; spikes come out the wall and impale Arnold; the wall falls down crushing Arnold; the wall moves up again; the spikes retract sending pieces of Arnold falling on the floor; the dog chews on Arnold’s remains. TV turns off.

ZOIDBERG
I’d give anything to have
what that dog is having.

LEELA
He’s eating the remains
of a man.

ZOIDBERG
Bah! It’s still food
isn’t it?

LEELA
Yeah whatever,
let’s go.
CUT TO
The crew walks into a large dark octagon shaped room.

RYVUL
Uh hello?
Is anyone in here?

HACKSAW (OC)
If you turn 90 degrees to
your right, you’ll find me.

Ryvul and the crew turn to their right to find Hacksaw sitting behind his desk.

RYVUL
Where do you want these
torture devices?

HACKSAW
Just set them down here
on the desk.

RYVUL
You’ve got quite a
display Mr.
(looks at Hacksaw’s desk plate)
Hacksaw.

HACKSAW
Did you like the movies?

RYVUL
I’ve always been a fan
of horror movies, but I must
ask you something. Why did
you abduct all those people?

HACKSAW
I do not select random people,
only those who don’t appreciate
their lives. You know, guys like
bozos, perverts, drug addicts,
klingons, and showoffs.

FADE TO
Daylight; afternoon
Man standing on railroad tracks with his arm out.

HACKSAW (VO)
20 years ago when I was
human, I thought I had superhuman
powers. I’ve watched a lot of
superhero moves in my time.
I thought I was strong enough to
stop an oncoming train with my
pinky.

The train hits the man.
FADE TO
Train wreckage with the injured man underneath.

HACKSAW (VO)
But I was wrong. An oncoming
train would’ve killed any ordinary
man but strangely, I was alive.
The engineer called up a number of
physicians to save me. Instead
of resuscitation, they squeezed me
into this exoskeleton you see
before you, and I’ve felt nothing
since. No pain, no air, nothing.

FADE BACK
RYVUL
So those people you’ve abducted
shared the same stupidity you once did
and you’re just trying to have them
share your luck?

HACKSAW
Exactly. Today I’m having a group of
people trapped in a house filled with
a deadly nerve gas and antidotes
scattered about for them to find.

BENDER
Who’re the suckers?



HACKSAW
You!

Hacksaw pulls the lever; a trap door opens under the crew; they scream and fall in.

FADE OUT

FADE IN
Abandoned house; interior.

HACKSAW (OC)
Welcome Planet Express.
You saw all those mutilated corpses
in my latest games. Now it’s your turn
to play. You are all trapped in a house
with a deadly nerve gas. Unless you
find the antidotes which are scattered
throughout the stronghold, your limbs and joints
will unhinge in ways most uncomfortable
before you die. I’ve given you each
antidote trackers to make it easier.
Whenever the light turns green, you’ll
know that an antidote is nearby. If it
turns red, you’re really close.
I do not have any spares
so use them wisely.

FEMALE VOICE (OC)
It wasn’t a good idea to trust
Hacksaw was it?

The crew turns to find the voice is coming from inside the safe.

RYVUL
Where are you?

FEMALE VOICE
I’m in the safe.

RYVUL
Do you know the combination
to the safe?




FEMALE VOICE
How should I know?
It’s pitch black in here.

Ryvul tries to pry open the safe himself; he fails.

GINOX
Stay back.

Ginox’s saw blade comes out; he saws the safe door; with all his might, Ginox pulls the door open; inside the safe is a jar containing Shawnee Smith’s head.

SHAWNEE
Pretty strong for a cyborg.
If you want me to help you all,
my body is in the closet.

RYVUL
You mean this closet here?

SHAWNEE
Yeah, that’s the one.

Ryvul opens the closet door; takes out an artificial body with a cyan blue t-shirt and navy sweat pants; brings it to Shawnee; Ginox twists Shawnee’s head onto the body.

SHAWNEE
Okay guys, we’ve got us a
deadly nerve gas that we can
only become immune to if we
each find an antidote.

BENDER
What am I scared of?
I don’t have a nervous system.

RYVUL
If you think about it Bender,
your internal circuitry is like a
nervous system.





BENDER
(scared)
AAAH! I DON’T
WANNA DIE!
(furious)
I just hope some robot
doesn’t go crazy and
starts killing everybody
one by one!

RYVUL
That is exactly what
Hacksaw desires.

SHAWNEE
He’s right, Hacksaw is trying
to turn us against each other.
If we work together, and
play by the rules, we just might
come out in one piece.
My plan is that we split up and
check each floor.
Amy, Ginox and Hermes,
you check upstairs
Fry, Bender and Zoidberg,
you check in the basement,
Ryvul and Leela, you check with
me on the main floor. Make sure
you have your antidote trackers
ready.

NEW SCENE


Amy, Ginox, and Hermes check the top floor for antidotes; Hermes’ tracker
turns green.

HERMES
I think an antidote’s
nearby.

Hermes’ tracker turns red and begins to vibrate.

HERMES
Woo! This thing’s a
real shaker!

Hermes finds an envelope with his name on it.

HERMES
Sweet tattoo on
bamboo, there’s an envelope
here for me!

Hermes opens the envelope; the letter reads PLAY THE TAPE RECORDER;
Hermes plays the tape recorder.
HACKSAW (OC)
Hello Hermes.
I hear you like to limbo.
I remember the time when you and
your friends tried to escape the Titanic
and you limboed underneath that nearly
closed door your friend Zoidberg held open
for you. Now let’s see you
limbo through steel grinders.
CUT TO
Large steel grinders start to spin.

HACKSAW (OC)
If you cannot limbo past these
grinders, you will be lying naked flat
on your stomach on a silver platter
with an apple wedged in your mouth.
Also some lettuce on the side.

HERMES
Are you saying that just because
I’m obese?

HACKSAW (OC)
No, I’ve served thin people
on silver platters too.
Also gold platters.
Have you seen Rocky Horror
Picture Show? Remember when
Tim Curry chopped Meatloaf
into little tiny pieces?

HERMES
But Meatloaf was…


HACKSAW (OC)
Yeah yeah whatever, just limbo
past the grinders and get the
antidote okay?

Hermes begins to limbo past the grinders.

Amy’s tracker begins to vibrate.

AMY
Whoa! My tracker’s picking
up an antidote too!

Amy finds a tape with her name on it; Amy puts the tape in the recorder to play it.

HACKSAW (OC)
Hello Amy.
I hear you were trained under the
demon ninja, Manticore.
Let’s put your ninja skills to
the test against the cyborg
samurai, Genshin.

A samurai in yellow and blue armor appears before Amy with a samurai sword.

AMY
‘Scuse me a sec, I need
to change into my ninja armor.

Amy runs OC

TWENTY MINUTES LATER

HACKSAW (OC)
Anytime now Amy!

GENSHIN
What do you think is
taking her so long?

HACKSAW (OC)
I don’t know Genshin,
but I think she’s holding us
up to make us look bad.


GENSHIN
You know how women are.
They’re always making us guys wait
an eternity or two.

Amy returns in her ninja armor.
AMY
Sorry about that, it takes me
a while to put on this armor.
Wait, did I forget anything?

Genshin grabs Amy by the wrist.

GENSHIN
You’re not going back
for anything! Hacksaw demands
you test your ninja skills against me!

Amy flip kicks Genshin to the wall;

HACKSAW (OC)
Weapon of choice?

AMY
Bladed tonfa.

Two bladed tonfa fall from the ceiling; Amy picks them up.
Ginox rushes to Amy’s side.

GINOX
If you need me Amy,
I will defend you.

HACKSAW (OC)
Amy must defeat Genshin alone.
I already have a game for you Ginox.
You know how you enjoyed the moment
when you and your Jade Wyvern comrades
decimated the entire cult known as The
Silver Stewie? You saved many lives that
night. The night before, you killed the
arrogant DOOP Captain Zapp Brannigan,
and everyone cheered. An added bonus for
your act was that you got the Planet Express
Captain Leela as your coach for your clan.

HACKSAW (cnt’d)
Now is the time to relive the moment you
massacred the entire Silver Stewie Cult.
I’ve resurrected the cultists and armed them
with weapons to take it up to the next level.
Think you can massacre the cult by
yourself this time?


BGM: YAZ: SITUATION
A door opens revealing the resurrected cultists armed with weapons; Ginox readies himself against the armed cultists; Ginox begins his attack slaying every cultist who attacks him.
CUT TO
Amy clashes blades with Genshin; Genshin throws a light shuriken at Amy; Amy flips in the air delivering a diving kick; Genshin grabs Amy by the leg.

GENSHIN
Impressive, but
not good enough!

Genshin throws Amy into a stack of boxes.

CUT TO
Hermes limboes his way to the antidote; the grinders stop turning; Hermes injects himself.

HERMES
I found the antidote!

CUT TO
Amy is on all fours.
AMY
You did?

Genshin gets ready to strike Amy from behind; Amy thrusts her blade backwards striking Genshin in the groin; Genshin moans in discomfort; Amy steps up to the stunned Genshin and grabs his head.

AMY
By the way Genshin,
this is for sexually
discriminating me!

Amy twists Genshin’s neck; Genshin falls to the floor; the antidote falls out of Genshin’s armor; Amy injects herself.

CUT TO

Ginox clashes blades with the cult leader; Ginox and the cult leader force blades at one another; Ginox flips over the cult leader and splits him in half; The antidote flies out of the door the cultists came out of; Ginox picks up the antidote and injects himself with it;
Amy and Hermes come to see the bloody mess Ginox made.

AMY
Wow, you really hate
Family Guy don’t you Ginox?

GINOX
They were cultists.
They tried to breach into a village
to take many innocent lives in hopes
of a Family Guy afterlife.

HERMES
I haven’t seen so many
corpses since Nightmare on
Crelm Street and
Saturday the 14th.

GINOX
We haven’t much time.
We must find the others.
Ginox Hermes and Amy leave.

NEW SCENE
Fry, Bender and Zoidberg search the basement for antidotes; Fry’s tracker begins to vibrate.

FRY
Hey, my tracker’s shaking?

BENDER
Why?

FRY
I dunno, it must be
scared or something.

Zoidberg’s tracker begins to vibrate.



ZOIDBERG
Fry, Robit, I found
some antidotes!

BENDER
Yeah right!

FRY
Your tracker must be
nervous or something.
It’s all right, mine is too.

ZOIDBERG
No seriously, there’s a note
with our names and a tape recorder.

BENDER
No seriously,
keep dreaming Zoidberg.

Zoidberg picks up the tape recorder and shows it to Fry and Bender.

ZOIDBERG
Who’s dreaming now?

FRY
I hope it’s not me.
This whole place
feels like a bad dream.

Bender takes out his burning cigar.

BENDER
I have a way to remind
you that this is not a dream.

Bender thrusts his cigar at Fry’s forehead.

FRY
AAAAH!

BENDER
I bet that tape recorder
has plenty of porn on it.

Bender snatches the tape recorder from Zoidberg and plays it.

HACKSAW (OC)
Hello Bender, Fry, and
Zoidberg. You like to wolf down on
a lot of sweets don’t you?
Tonight, I have entered you three in a
beer chugging contest with Chuggs McMugg.

A bar elevates from the ceiling with a morbidly obese man sitting on a stool.

HACKSAW (OC)
Chuggs McMugg is the heaviest and
fastest drinker ever known in the universe.
If any of you believe you are a match for
Chuggs, and can beat him in this contest,
you will get the antidote.
You will start out with five
beer mugs and you will get more
when they’re all empty.
You’ll have three minutes to chug
the most beer mugs.
And by the way, I threw in
Barney Gumble from the Simpsons
to make the contest more interesting.

Barney Gumble falls from the ceiling next to Chuggs.

BARNEY
Wow! How’d I get here?

BENDER
I dunno, but I bet you can
beat both you and Chuggs
in this contest.
I’m the beer chuggin’ master!

CHUGGS
Well what’re ya waitin’ for?
Grab a mug and start chuggin’.

Fry, Bender, and Zoidberg sit down next to Chuggs; five beer mugs appear in front of each of the competitors; the bell rings; they all start drinking.
BGM: POISON: FALLEN ANGEL
CUT TO
Fry drinks at a medium pace.
PAN RIGHT
Bender dumps each mug into his mouth.
PAN RIGHT
Zoidberg slobbers into his mugs.
PAN RIGHT
Chuggs drinks at rapid speed.
PAN RIGHT
Barney drinks with his head reared all the way back.
CUT TO
New mugs come up
CUT TO
Fry drinks some more.
BENDER
Hey Fry, you gotta drink
faster than that!

FRY
(whining)
But I’m drinking as
fast as I can!

ZOIDBERG
Fast as a snail!

CHUGGS
Come on Fry!
Drink like a raging alchoholic!

Fry starts splashing beer into his face; everyone else starts laughing at him.

CHUGGS
Don’t splash beer in your face,
you just have to chug faster.

FRY
How?

CHUGGS
I’m a professional at beer contests.
You gotta let your jaw hang and
relax your throat muscles.

Fry takes Chuggs’ advice; Fry’s beer goes down faster.

CHUGGS
There ya go!


BENDER
Ya wanna see a really
heavy drinker?

Bender takes all five of his mugs and dumps them all in his mouth at the same time; Bender lets out a tremendous fiery belch; more mugs come up.

ZOIDBERG
Oh yeah?

Zoidberg sticks his facial tentacle in each of his mugs and sucks them dry; Zoidberg lets out an even more tremendous belch with slime and dead fish coming out; more mugs come up.
BARNEY
Wow! I’ve never seen
drinkers like you!

CHUGGS
Neither have I!

FRY
Well, like Bachman Turner Overdrive says,
You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet!

Fry takes all five mugs, rears back, forces them all towards his mouth at once, splashes beer on his face and falls over backwards.

CUT TO
The bell rings.

HACKSAW (OC)
I have been watching your
drinking performances, and the
heaviest drinker is……

Everyone becomes anxious to hear their name.

HACKSAW (OC)
Bender!

Bender rises from the table flailing his arms.



BENDER
Yes! I’m the heaviest drinker
in the universe!
(points to Chuggs and Barney)
In your drunken
faces beer champs!

HACKSAW (OC)
You’ve all been fine drinkers
so, to prove to you that I do
play fair, I will give you all antidotes.

Five antidotes fly out from under the bar mirror and everyone grabs one.
CUT TO
Zoidberg tries to inject himself, but the tip breaks off; Zoidberg moans in disappointment; Zoidberg eats the antidote.

BENDER
It was nice chugging beer
with you guys.

CHUGGS
You too. Hey Fry,
remember what I taught
you about beer chuggin’.

FRY
(rolls his eyes)
Uhhh…

Fry, Bender and Zoidberg walk off.

BARNEY
Hey Chuggs, wanna go
to Moe’s with me?

CHUGGS
Sure thing. Ya just
gotta take me to
wherever you’re from.

NEW SCENE
Ryvul, Leela, and Shawnee search the main floor for antidotes.




RYVUL
I hope the others have made
it through okay.

SHAWNEE
I’m sure they have as long as they’ve
played by the rules of whatever game
they run in to.

LEELA
All we gotta do is play
by the rules of whatever
game we run in to and we’ll
be fine too.

Shawnee finds a note with Ryvul’s name on it.

SHAWNEE
Hey Ryvul, this note’s for you.

Ryvul walks over to the note Shawnee found; Ryvul takes up the note and opens it; the note reads PLAY THE TAPE RECORDER; Ryvul plays the tape recorder.

HACKSAW (OC)
This game is for you Ryvul.
Unlike most guys throughout the universe,
you do not see women as sexual objects.
Which is good, that means you know women
have feelings just like you do.
It is also true you believe that sexual
intercourse is wrong and you wish to
avoid it at all costs.
We shall put your sexual urge suppression
to the test. I’m going to have
Shawnee strip herself right in front of you
to see if you still view her as a person.

A chamber falls from the ceiling trapping Ryvul and Shawnee.


HACKSAW (OC)
I know how close you and Ryvul are Leela.
Your objective is to free Ryvul
from this chamber before you feel
he is moving on to another woman.
HACKSAW (cnt’d)
Hopefully by the time you’ve
pried the door open, your friend’s
wood won’t be petrified.
(to Shawnee)
Start stripin’ Shawnee!

SHAWNEE
What if I refuse?

HACKSAW
Then I’ll send in my
saw blades to cut you into
little sausage slices.

BGM: MOTLEY CRUE: LOOKS THAT KILL

Shawnee starts to remove her clothing; Ryvul squints, covers his face, and turns away.

HACKSAW (OC)
Uh uh uhh Ryvul,
you gotta keep your eyes open.

Mechanical arms reach from the walls to remove Ryvul’s hands from his face and pry his eyes open; Ryvul stares briefly at Shawnee’s nearly nude body; Ryvul is hypnotized; Ryvul squints his eyes in disgust.

RYVUL
NO!
THIS ISN’T LIKE ME!!

Ryvul rams the door with tremendous force knocking it to the ground.

BGM stops.


LEELA
Whoa! I thought I was
supposed to be saving you.

RYVUL
The pressure was too great.
I never thought I’d be forced
to watch a girl strip herself,
even if she was a favorite actress.

SHAWNEE
You did good Ryvul.
I know you’re not a sex fanatic.

LEELA
Why do you think I picked
you over Fry?

SHAWNEE
I broke into the chamber’s interior
machinery and snagged the antidotes.

Ryvul, Leela and Shawnee inject themselves with the antidotes.

SHAWNEE
Come on,
let’s get outta here.

Ryvul, Leela and Shawnee head for the exit; a menacing figure with a nailed bat stands in their path; the figure appears to be a robotic Franky G.

FRANKY G-BOT
Not so fast punks!
This is my domain, and
you ain’t goin’ nowhere!

CU
Ryvul, Leela and Shawnee stare back at the Franky G Bot in anger.
FADE OUT

FADE IN
Ruined house interior.

The Franky G-Bot is getting ready to attack; Ryvul steps up, The Franky G-Bot runs up to Ryvul and swings his bat; Ryvul grabs Franky G-Bot’s swinging arm and twists it; Ryvul knocks Franky G-Bot into a pile of rubble.

SHAWNEE
That was a cool move Ryvul,
but I’m afraid you’re gonna have to
do that to a whole lot more.

Ryvul turns his head.
CUT TO
A whole army of Franky G-Bots marches in Ryvul’s direction; Ryvul takes out his hookswords.
SHAWNEE
(admired)
Nice hookswords.

Ryvul and Leela fend off the Franky G-Bot army while Shawnee searches for something; Shawnee lifts a box and finds Franky G’s head on a strange device.

FRANKY G
Shawnee, you gotta get me off
this thing. Whenever anybody makes it
down this hallway to the main entry doors,
my robotic clones are always
choppin’ ‘em up.
My body’s in the locker next to me.
If you find it and screw my head on,
the robotic clones will all disappear.

Shawnee finds a locker with a headless body in it.

SHAWNEE
You talkin’ about this one?

FRANKY G
Yep, that’s the one.

Shawnee pulls the body out and screws Franky G’s head on it.
CUT TO
The Franky G-Bots all disappear; Ryvul and Leela walk over to Shawnee and Franky G.

RYVUL
Who is this guy?

FRANKY G
Name’s Franky G,
nice to meet y’all.

RYVUL
Where’ve I heard that name?

FRANKY G
You must be thinking of
the restaurant.
Listen, I know of a way outta here.




RYVUL
Is there a number on the back
of my head you have to look at?

FRANKY G
No, the exit’s down that
hallway, c’mon.

Franky G leads Ryvul, Leela and Shawnee down the hallway.
CUT TO
Franky G, Ryvul, Leela, and Shawnee come across a large door; Franky G tries to pull the open the door, but it’s locked.

FRANKY G
Damn this thing’s locked.
Stay back everyone. Time
to put the nailed bat to good use.

Franky G swings his nailed bat at the door breaking it; Franky G keeps hammering away until a steel door is revealed from behind.

FRANKY G
What the??

GINOX (OC)
Stay back.

CUT TO
Ginox and the rest of the crew.

Ginox steps up to the steel door;

FRANKY G
Who’re those guys?

LEELA
They’re the rest of my
crew from Planet Express.

Both of Ginox’s hands turn to sawblades; Ginox begins to gnaw away at the steed door; nothing happens;

FRANKY G
Who’s this guy?


LEELA
That’s Ginox.
I made him head of
my secretive clan,
the Jade Wyvern.

Ginox’s right blade becomes a detonator; Ginox plants the detonator on the steel door.

GINOX
Everyone, get back!

Ginox forces everyone as far away from the door as possible.
CUT TO
The detonator explodes destroying the steel door; the dust settles; daylight is seen through the door.
FRANKY G
Woooo!
What a bang!

BENDER
FREEEEDOOOOM!!

Fry, Bender and Zoidberg run out the door; Wendigore jumps right in front of them.

WENDIGORE
Not so fast!
Hacksaw has sent me to
finish you punks off myself!

Fry, Bender and Zoidberg scream and run back with the rest of the crew shaking.

RYVUL
Wendigore!

FRANKY G
You know this dude?
Cuz I do too.

RYVUL
Really?
Where from?

FRANKY G
Back in high school
during wrestling class,

FRANKY G (cnt’d)
every time Wendigore was
my opponent,
I would always
end up in the hospital.
(raises his nailed bat)
But it ain’t gonna happen
this time!

WENDIGORE
Then bring it fool!
You think that nailed bat
is a match against my
(takes out his iron club)
iron club?

FRANKY G
(shocked)
Woof.
I’m in trouble.

Ryvul walks up to Franky G.

RYVUL
I’ve been told that it’s
not the weapon that matters,
it’s the warrior who wields it.

FRANKY G
Yeah, you’re right!
I’m not gonna let
some iron club
ruin my….

Wendigore swings his iron club at Franky G knocking him back;
Wendigore walks up to Franky G’s body.

WENDIGORE
Another rule,
be less talk and
more action!

Wendigore creeps behind Franky G’s body and gets ready to strike him down; Franky G thrusts his bat backwards into Wendigore’s crotch.



WENDIGORE
Ooooooooh!
(in pain)
A nailed bat to the balls,
most uncool!

Franky G gets up and knocks Wendigore over; Franky G swings his bat down at Wendigore; Wendigore blocks Franky G’s bat with his club and gets up off the ground; Wendigore kicks Franky G back and swings at him again with his club; Wendigore holds Franky G up to a tree and throws a few punches; Wendigore rears his fist back getting ready to deliver one final punch;

WENDIGORE
You’re goin’ down!

Shawnee Smith smashes Wendigore in the back of the head with a toilet tank lid; Wendigore falls to the floor unconscious.

Shawnee kneels down to Franky G’s bloody body

SHAWNEE
Franky, you’re a bloody mess.

FRANKY G
What else is new?

SHAWNEE
Wendigore sure likes to
fight dirty doesn’t he?

FRANKY G
He’s been like this
with me since high school.
He hasn’t changed a bit.
Shawnee, I think he’s
shattered my vital organs.
I need to go to a hospital back
home on earth.

Hacksaw steps out of the building.





HACKSAW
I’m impressed that you’ve all
survived at once. Not too many
of my victims are as lucky as you.

RYVUL
Franky G won’t survive unless
we get him to a hospital.
Wendigore beat him badly.

HACKSAW
Well then you’d
better get going.
Where is Wendigore?

SHAWNEE
I knocked him out with
a toilet tank lid.

HACKSAW
Hope your friend makes it out okay.
He did great just like all of you.

The crew carries Franky G on the ship then takes off.

Hacksaw catches up with Ryvul.

HACKSAW
Ryvul, wait up.
Hacksaw takes out a card.
HACKSAW
You played well just like
everyone else. Please accept
this gift certificate to
Olive Arboretum.

Ryvul takes the gift certificate and bows before Hacksaw before catching up with the crew.

Wendigore regains consciousness; Hacksaw walks over to Wendigore.

HACKSAW
I didn’t send you to
kill the crew after they
got out you dope!

Hacksaw kicks Wendigore’s thigh.

WENDIGORE
Sorry….Hacksaw.

Hacksaw smacks Wendigore on the head.

NEW SCENE
Planet Express Ship exterior

CUT TO
Planet Express Ship interior.


LEELA
How’s he holding up?

ZOIDBERG
I managed to restore
Franky’s vital organs back to
100%

RYVUL
We’ll let the hospital
handle the rest once
we get back home.

SHAWNEE
Hey Ryvul, I was thinking,
there’s this movie I’ve been asked
to be in that is similar to what you and
your friends went through back on
Guitotone 12, and I was hoping you could
be in the movie with me being that
you’re dark sided and you’re into
a lot of blood and gore.

RYVUL
Sounds like an idea.
What’s the movie called?

SHAWNEE
It’s called…

Franky G notices some strange movement in his torso.

FRANKY G
What’s wrong with my
torso? It feels like something’s
moving in there.

ZOIDBERG
I got a little hungry so I
ate some spare steaks
that were in your torso.

FRANKY G
Wait a minute!
If you ate my organs,
then what’d you put back
in my torso?

CU
A chicken head pops out of Franky G’s chest and clucks.

CUT TO
The Planet Express ship sets sail to Earth.

SFX: Chickens clucking.
FRANKY G (OC)
YOU REPLACED MY
VITAL ORGANS WITH CHICKENS!!?

ZOIDBERG (OC)
They’ll do fine.

FRANKY G (OC)
Who’s gonna clean up the mess
they left in me?

FADE TO BLACK

END CREDITS
BGM: DOKKEN: SLIPPING AWAY
Trailer exterior; 8pm
Ryvul walks over to Shawnee Smith’s trailer with his Olive Arboretum gift certificate; Ryvul is nervous at first; he lightly knocks on Shawnee’s door.

Shawnee steps out of her trailer.



SHAWNEE
Ryvul, what’re you
doing here?

RYVUL
I’ve been looking for somebody
to go to Olive Arboretum with me.

SHAWNEE
Didn’t you ask Leela?

RYVUL
She was busy working on
some complicated stuff I wouldn’t
understand, and Amy’s gone out to the
movies with her friend Kif.

SHAWNEE
So you decided
to come see me?

RYVUL
I thought I’d take my time
to get to know you a little more.

SHAWNEE
That’s fine. Hell, we can
go to Olive Arboretum tonight.

Ryvul smiles.

SHAWNEE
I’ll have some chicken
parm there.

RYVUL
(excited)
That’s my favorite!

SHAWNEE
What tunes you got
on the way?




TILT UP to the moon.

RYVUL
I got some Alien, Dokken,
Winger, or even Helix.

SHAWNEE
You like all the old
classic rock don’t you Ryvul?

RYVUL
Damn right