Raven McWeasel
21-09-2006, 08:07 PM
Just throwing out a few of my own scripts. I'm not to fond of the first one, but others are, so hey, it can't be too bad.... Anyway, I'll put on what I have.
Apocalypse How?
By Cai Brown
Scene 1:1/1
High Street EXT.
A highstreet. Blankets of rain cut through the freezing cold air. As we move along, people bustle along the catwalk in both directions. Brian, a typical student, jostles his way through the crowds towards a bus shelter. A flash of lightning illuminates the scene, showing us a poorly drawn devil grafiteed directly above Brian. Underneath the face are daubed the words “Satan was 'ere 4000 BC”. A bus rolls up in front of the camera, obscuring our view.
Scene 1:1/2
Bus INT.
Brian buys a ticket from the driver and moves along the packed bus.
Brian: Thank you, driver.
Brian sits down next to Nigel, another young adult. He has bright red hair and a T-Shirt featuring a heavy-metal band.
Brian: Whew, this place has got more chavs than a council estate! Hi Nige.
Nigel gives Brian a slow hi-five. He is listening to a Walkman. His speech patterns also seem sluggish and slurred.
Nigel: Rockin'. Hey Brian, want some weed?
Brian looks shocked.
Brian: Look, I'm sorry Nige, but I really don't want any of that stuff.
Nigel pulls out a big potted plant.
Nigel: No, man, it's sound. It's all over the garden like, but I can't kill myself to kill it. I mean, meat is murder man!
Brian: Nigel, that thing is a plant! It's not like it can talk or anything!
Nigel: Sure it can. See! It's doing it now!
We see a blurred image from Nigel's perspective. The plant vibrates a bit whilst speaking.
Plant: Don't listen to him Nigel! He is the evil one!
A different part of the plant moves and begins to talk.
Plant: I heard he doesn't even know who Beck is!
The plant makes aghast noises. Cut back to Brian and Nigel.
Nigel: Sometimes I wonder what you've been smoking! Bad karma alert! Bad karma alert!
The bus jerks to a halt and someone falls over. The other passengers ignore and walk all over them.
1:2/3
EXT. Highstreet 2
Brian walks along. In an instant, he collides with a street preacher, who is ranting and gesticulating wildly.
Preacher: Brother, will you stand up and be saved?
Brian: (Angrily) I don't know about being saved but I can hardly stand up with you Rugby tackling me, can I?!
The Preacher lurches towards Brian, showing us his manic, bloodshot eyes.
Preacher: Do you not believe in Christ, sinner man?
Brian: No, but you just made me say Jesus!
Preacher: (Crazed) And low the beast looked upon the face of beuty! And from that moment, he was as one dead!
Brian: That's from King Kong, isn't it?
Preacher: It matters not, child! For in a galaxy far, far away, there was the lord! Saints be praised! Allelouia!
Brian: What are you going to quote from next, “Alien”?
Preacher: Laugh now, child, but in Hell, no one can hear you scream.
Brian: Look, I don't to listen to this-
Preacher: And at that moment, as if by a miracle of Jesus, the sick no longer died and the stifling shadow of the Vampire vanished with the morning sun! They are coming, my friend!
Brian: (Irritably snapping) Who are? The people to take you back to the home? Hmmm?!
Preacher: (Spinning around and addressing the whole street) Fools! You are in danger! They are after you! They are after us all! Our wives, our children! Everyone! They are here already! You're next! Next to fall to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse!
Brian: I can't take these insufferable quotes anymore! Good day!
Brian marches off, but drops his HMV bag in the process. A CD falls out. It is labelled as Iron Maiden: 666, The Number of the Beast. The Preacher emits a high pitched, deafening scream.
Preacher: Argh! Argh! Argh! It is the Devil! He is coming for you! They are coming for you!
Slow motion. The Preacher carries on his Apocalyptic sermon behind Brian, who stomps away angrily.
Preacher: To God there is no zero! I still exist!
Doctor Poo: And the Censoroids
Narrator: Last time on Doctor Poo...
Doctor: Go on then, Galek, who's sent you? Don't tell me you got here all on your own! Who was it? Some meglomaniac? Fabros? The Paster? Bill Gates?
Galek: Wrong, wrong! I will never tell you!
Doctor: Oh, come on! Don't make me get out the sonic bicycle pump! How did you survive?
Whitehouse: It survived through me!
DOCTOR POO THEME
Doctor: It coudn't be...
Whitehouse: Yes! Mary Whitehouse! I recreated the Galeks to be on whatever certificate I like! From UC to 15 in 2 seconds. You must be ex-censor-rated!
Doctor: But why? What has Earth ever done to you?
Whitehouse: Ever seen Channel 5?
Doctor: Okay, screw Earth! What did I ever do?
Whitehouse: Let's take a look at some archive footage, shall we?
Screen appears behind Whitehouse
McCoy: (Spoon juggling) Give me a penny, marm? No? What if I put a ferret down my trousers (Pulls out ferret)?
Whitehouse: I think we've seen enough.
Doctor: I'm not proud of that footage (wipes eyes with ferret).
Whitehouse: Now that we've seen This is Your Life, how about some You've Been Maimed? Clangers! Get him!
Doctor: But there are no clangers here!
Whitehouse: What do you thinks inside a Galek?
Galek: Give me soup! Give me soup!
Galek Soupreme: We are made from only the best alloys collected by the metallic rooster!
Doctor: Arghh!
Doctor Poo: Maryland
Galek: Ex-censor-rate! Kill the Doctor! Destroy!
Doctor: (Pulls out picture of the impossible stair case) Not yet, dog egg!
Galek: Argh! We're clanger noise!
Whitehouse: It sweared in Clanger! But your on Cert. Uc setting!
Doctor: 15, actually.
Whitehouse: Well, they'll be no more of that (switches Galeks to Uc setting)
Galek: We love you, you love me! We're a Kaled family!
Garlek Soupreme: What's the story on Skaro-mory? Woudn't you like to know?
Whitehouse: Gah! Those buggers may be useless, but I still have my latest creations! (Door opens) Say hello to the Tin Can, The Lion who eats hearts, Boto, the lovable robot puppy...
Doctor: Aww!
Boto: Target detected.
Doctor: (Fingers collar) Guah.
Whitehouse: And his sweet owner, Doroth-E.
Doroth-E: Let's be friends (pulls out machine gun)!
Doctor: Hey! Is that a wizard?
Doroth-E: Where?
Doctor: Aha (Uses Sonic Bicycle Pump to blast Doroth-E etc.)!
Whitehouse: Oh, you think your so northen and macho, but within 2 hours the entire analog network will be ex-censor...
Galek: (Interrupting) Rani is a maniac with quite a big...
Whitehouse: Will you shut up?! As I was saying....
Doctor: Yeah, yeah. Whole analog network cancelled. I've got cable!
Whitehouse: Nooooo!
Mr T: Mary Whitehouse?
Whitehouse: Nooooo!
Mr. T: You're not?
Doctor: Of couse she is! Now go bust her ass!
Whitehouse: Oh, fu...
Barney, Inside the Suit
Kids: Barney is a Dinosaur with a sick imagination,
Kick him in the right place to releve his constipation!
Barney: I can't poo,
I can't pee,
Now I need some quick relief!
Hi kids, I'm c-c-c-constipated! I wonder what 10 bottles of Quiki-Turd will do (drinks Quicki-Turd). Now I need the toilet, but what d'ya know, I can't open my suit! (In real, none Barney voice) Seriously, I can't! Please someone help me out here! I can't hold it in much longer! Too late! It's filling up the tail! The torso! Not the hed! Please, God, not the head! Glugaglugglugglug! Here I go (Barney explodes)! Squelch!
Can somebody get me a towel?
FOX: They'll be more enterning accidents after the break. Like
sh!t? Love FOX!
Apocalypse How?
By Cai Brown
Scene 1:1/1
High Street EXT.
A highstreet. Blankets of rain cut through the freezing cold air. As we move along, people bustle along the catwalk in both directions. Brian, a typical student, jostles his way through the crowds towards a bus shelter. A flash of lightning illuminates the scene, showing us a poorly drawn devil grafiteed directly above Brian. Underneath the face are daubed the words “Satan was 'ere 4000 BC”. A bus rolls up in front of the camera, obscuring our view.
Scene 1:1/2
Bus INT.
Brian buys a ticket from the driver and moves along the packed bus.
Brian: Thank you, driver.
Brian sits down next to Nigel, another young adult. He has bright red hair and a T-Shirt featuring a heavy-metal band.
Brian: Whew, this place has got more chavs than a council estate! Hi Nige.
Nigel gives Brian a slow hi-five. He is listening to a Walkman. His speech patterns also seem sluggish and slurred.
Nigel: Rockin'. Hey Brian, want some weed?
Brian looks shocked.
Brian: Look, I'm sorry Nige, but I really don't want any of that stuff.
Nigel pulls out a big potted plant.
Nigel: No, man, it's sound. It's all over the garden like, but I can't kill myself to kill it. I mean, meat is murder man!
Brian: Nigel, that thing is a plant! It's not like it can talk or anything!
Nigel: Sure it can. See! It's doing it now!
We see a blurred image from Nigel's perspective. The plant vibrates a bit whilst speaking.
Plant: Don't listen to him Nigel! He is the evil one!
A different part of the plant moves and begins to talk.
Plant: I heard he doesn't even know who Beck is!
The plant makes aghast noises. Cut back to Brian and Nigel.
Nigel: Sometimes I wonder what you've been smoking! Bad karma alert! Bad karma alert!
The bus jerks to a halt and someone falls over. The other passengers ignore and walk all over them.
1:2/3
EXT. Highstreet 2
Brian walks along. In an instant, he collides with a street preacher, who is ranting and gesticulating wildly.
Preacher: Brother, will you stand up and be saved?
Brian: (Angrily) I don't know about being saved but I can hardly stand up with you Rugby tackling me, can I?!
The Preacher lurches towards Brian, showing us his manic, bloodshot eyes.
Preacher: Do you not believe in Christ, sinner man?
Brian: No, but you just made me say Jesus!
Preacher: (Crazed) And low the beast looked upon the face of beuty! And from that moment, he was as one dead!
Brian: That's from King Kong, isn't it?
Preacher: It matters not, child! For in a galaxy far, far away, there was the lord! Saints be praised! Allelouia!
Brian: What are you going to quote from next, “Alien”?
Preacher: Laugh now, child, but in Hell, no one can hear you scream.
Brian: Look, I don't to listen to this-
Preacher: And at that moment, as if by a miracle of Jesus, the sick no longer died and the stifling shadow of the Vampire vanished with the morning sun! They are coming, my friend!
Brian: (Irritably snapping) Who are? The people to take you back to the home? Hmmm?!
Preacher: (Spinning around and addressing the whole street) Fools! You are in danger! They are after you! They are after us all! Our wives, our children! Everyone! They are here already! You're next! Next to fall to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse!
Brian: I can't take these insufferable quotes anymore! Good day!
Brian marches off, but drops his HMV bag in the process. A CD falls out. It is labelled as Iron Maiden: 666, The Number of the Beast. The Preacher emits a high pitched, deafening scream.
Preacher: Argh! Argh! Argh! It is the Devil! He is coming for you! They are coming for you!
Slow motion. The Preacher carries on his Apocalyptic sermon behind Brian, who stomps away angrily.
Preacher: To God there is no zero! I still exist!
Doctor Poo: And the Censoroids
Narrator: Last time on Doctor Poo...
Doctor: Go on then, Galek, who's sent you? Don't tell me you got here all on your own! Who was it? Some meglomaniac? Fabros? The Paster? Bill Gates?
Galek: Wrong, wrong! I will never tell you!
Doctor: Oh, come on! Don't make me get out the sonic bicycle pump! How did you survive?
Whitehouse: It survived through me!
DOCTOR POO THEME
Doctor: It coudn't be...
Whitehouse: Yes! Mary Whitehouse! I recreated the Galeks to be on whatever certificate I like! From UC to 15 in 2 seconds. You must be ex-censor-rated!
Doctor: But why? What has Earth ever done to you?
Whitehouse: Ever seen Channel 5?
Doctor: Okay, screw Earth! What did I ever do?
Whitehouse: Let's take a look at some archive footage, shall we?
Screen appears behind Whitehouse
McCoy: (Spoon juggling) Give me a penny, marm? No? What if I put a ferret down my trousers (Pulls out ferret)?
Whitehouse: I think we've seen enough.
Doctor: I'm not proud of that footage (wipes eyes with ferret).
Whitehouse: Now that we've seen This is Your Life, how about some You've Been Maimed? Clangers! Get him!
Doctor: But there are no clangers here!
Whitehouse: What do you thinks inside a Galek?
Galek: Give me soup! Give me soup!
Galek Soupreme: We are made from only the best alloys collected by the metallic rooster!
Doctor: Arghh!
Doctor Poo: Maryland
Galek: Ex-censor-rate! Kill the Doctor! Destroy!
Doctor: (Pulls out picture of the impossible stair case) Not yet, dog egg!
Galek: Argh! We're clanger noise!
Whitehouse: It sweared in Clanger! But your on Cert. Uc setting!
Doctor: 15, actually.
Whitehouse: Well, they'll be no more of that (switches Galeks to Uc setting)
Galek: We love you, you love me! We're a Kaled family!
Garlek Soupreme: What's the story on Skaro-mory? Woudn't you like to know?
Whitehouse: Gah! Those buggers may be useless, but I still have my latest creations! (Door opens) Say hello to the Tin Can, The Lion who eats hearts, Boto, the lovable robot puppy...
Doctor: Aww!
Boto: Target detected.
Doctor: (Fingers collar) Guah.
Whitehouse: And his sweet owner, Doroth-E.
Doroth-E: Let's be friends (pulls out machine gun)!
Doctor: Hey! Is that a wizard?
Doroth-E: Where?
Doctor: Aha (Uses Sonic Bicycle Pump to blast Doroth-E etc.)!
Whitehouse: Oh, you think your so northen and macho, but within 2 hours the entire analog network will be ex-censor...
Galek: (Interrupting) Rani is a maniac with quite a big...
Whitehouse: Will you shut up?! As I was saying....
Doctor: Yeah, yeah. Whole analog network cancelled. I've got cable!
Whitehouse: Nooooo!
Mr T: Mary Whitehouse?
Whitehouse: Nooooo!
Mr. T: You're not?
Doctor: Of couse she is! Now go bust her ass!
Whitehouse: Oh, fu...
Barney, Inside the Suit
Kids: Barney is a Dinosaur with a sick imagination,
Kick him in the right place to releve his constipation!
Barney: I can't poo,
I can't pee,
Now I need some quick relief!
Hi kids, I'm c-c-c-constipated! I wonder what 10 bottles of Quiki-Turd will do (drinks Quicki-Turd). Now I need the toilet, but what d'ya know, I can't open my suit! (In real, none Barney voice) Seriously, I can't! Please someone help me out here! I can't hold it in much longer! Too late! It's filling up the tail! The torso! Not the hed! Please, God, not the head! Glugaglugglugglug! Here I go (Barney explodes)! Squelch!
Can somebody get me a towel?
FOX: They'll be more enterning accidents after the break. Like
sh!t? Love FOX!