Cloverfield
04-03-2007, 07:04 AM
Here are 88 of Chandlers best. Enjoy.
These are my fave Chandler quotes from 'Friends'. (1 liners)
1.Gee if only she was 1 and didn't know what the hell a birthday was!
2.Is that a hint? Because we love you Dr Connelly but we don't want you to be our child!
3.That fake british womans a real bitch but she sure can dance.
4.I can tell from your expressions that that was the good news you were hoping for.
5.She was probably up all night excited about the party which she knows is happening.
6.Hi Emma it's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?
7.[once Ross had finished speaking on the phone]Was that Emma? Is she up?
8.[Chandler on toilet]What are you doing? Get the hell out of here!
9.Deposit my speciman? I usually have to call a 900 number for that sort of talk.
10.Oh ho. Listen to the judement from the pornstar.
11.You know when 'that's fine' sounds true? When some yells it and spits.
12.You're right, it has been your dream for over 15 seconds!
13....so i can't affort to have principles, so screw you guys the tickets are ours!
14.Yes because if i was at my old job we'd say, "300 million? No thanks."
15.I can't believe you guys bought that, enjoy your slow death!
16.I think i can safely say that we all have family issues, work and/or are sick.
17.Look. He's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic. I mean, he's spermtastic!
18.So a lot malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room huh?[long pause] I mean you have a lovely home!
19.She's right. If i were a guy and... Did i just say, "If i were a guy"?
20.And i don't want to brag but a lot of the ideas were mine. Hell you wern't there, ALL the ideas were mine!
21.Look! Look! Look what the...look what the floating heads did!
22.No. I smokes for ages. Then i quit. Right now i can't remember why.
23.What do you know? You're just a door. You just like knock knock jokes.[laughs to himself]. Save for inside!
24.I do limericks :- There once was a man named Chandler, who's wife made him die inside!
25.But honey it's courtside. The cheerleaders will be right in... that's not the way to convince you!
26.That's right! Your husbands home! Now all the sex can stop!
27.Well, i think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectivly ruined.
28.Hay, this is where you hyper-organised pain-in-the-ass stuff pays off.
29.I don't get it either. I mean you're obviously desperate. You're asking women how they wanna been killed.
30....so if your maitre d' friend has any funny Oklahoma jokes tell him to e-mail me at www.haha-not-so-muc h.com.
31.I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand and beat the mustache off his face!
32.So, how come Richards selling the place? Went bankrupt? Medical malpractise? Chocked on his own mustache?
33.Okay, you get her in here, you bolt the door and I'll be in the closet.
34.Yes, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look you are definately 19.
35.Give her the deposit, give her the ring, i don't care!
36.What a great apology and you except it, oh ho yeah BYE-BYE!
37.You couldn't get them anyway... I mean Ian doesn't play any more and Derek... well Dereks a name that i shouldn't know!
38.That was one of the worst tings ever...and not just on TV.
39.Let me see this guy. Wa-ha-how, don't show this to Monica, and don't tell her about the wa-ha-how!
40.He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it!
41.[After Monica shakes her hair with the shellfish in it] What do you know? It's a treat for the eyes and the ears!
42.Now you're home, you don't have that problem so if you think about it, i hate them!
43.I think she looks cute. [glareful looks by Monica and Rachel] But i am Wrong!
44.It's always better to lie than have the complicated discussion. [Monica frowns] Except with you.
45....but there is no call for writing "Screw you Mr Bing". By the way you all can call me Chandler.
46.Well, i'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird turtle man?
47.This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but you're getting ham on my only tie.
48.And if she was here, she'd kick your ass.
49.Look you're a really nice person. Ham stealing and adultery aside.
50.Chandler - Maybe, it's because I was just fooling with my ex! Oh no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no, that was you!
The other ones are chandlers replys to a previous line.
1.Monica - This is like the biggest decision of our lives!
Chandler - There's a hair in my coffee.
2.Owen - WHAT!!!
Chandler - WHAT???
Owen - I'm adopted?
[long pause]Chandler - I'VE GOT NOTHING!
3.Ross - I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.
Chandler - Was that place, the sun?
4.Monica - Chandler stop it's not going to pop open!
Chandler - YOU DON'T KNOW!
5.Monica - We are not friends with Phoebe anymore!
Chandler - If she asks i protested a little bit but...OK!
6.Amanda - ...you look positively ghastly!
Chandler - Well arn't you a treat!
7.Ross - Wait...your not tanned?
Chandler - No i just had to get a picture of this. [Takes picture] I'LL SEE YA LATER!!!
8.Monica - Wow you're a really good kisser!
Chandler - Well i have kissed over 4 women!
9.Joey - I thought that you didn't have secrets from Monica.
Chandler - And that will remain the official party line!
10.Ross - Can i help?
Chandler - Well we climbed up 4 flights of stairs but these last 3 steps are where it get's really tricky.
11.Joey - Maybe we can lure them out? Do you know any birdcalls?
Chandler - Oh tons, i'm quite the woodsman.
12.Joey - Did you get it?
Chandler - One of the slots got filled.
Joey - By you?
Chandler - Sense the tone!
13.Joey - This whole thing was my idea!
Chandler - Oh yeah, thanks for inventing the lottery!
14.Zack - I heard a joke today, it's pretty funny.
Chandler - You know what's not funny? Male pattern baldness.
15.Owen - And he paid me $50 not to tell!
Chander - Which, technically, you should now give back!
16.Monica - What room shall we see next?
Chandler - Any room that isn't behind this couch.
17.Chandler - Haha, all you got was Monica's stinky brussel sprouts!
Monica - Stinky?
Chandler - Please let me stay on this side of the door!
18.Monica - Chandler, where are your tools?
Chandler - Oh, i left them on my bulldozer.
19.Rachel - Pheebs look in the kitchen, i'll look in the closet.
Chandler - I can save you time ladies, i'm right here!
20.Joey - Wait a minute. This say Richard. And this is Richards apartment.[LONG PAUSE]
Chandler - GET THERE FASTER!
21.Monica - Careful. Careful. CAREFUL!
Chandler - I'll tell you what. For the rest of our lives, i'll be careful, unless told otherwise!
22.Chandler - Maybe in Paris
Monica - Paris?
Chandler - We will take a moonlit walk on the rue-de-la-blah blah blah.
23.Phoebe - ...and this is the only one left.
Chandler - We can't accept this.
Phoebe - Why not?
Chandler - Because it's gross!
24.Monica - Hey, good, you're home.
Chandler - Always nicer to hear than "oh crap you again!"
25.Chandler - DUUDE
Monica - What happened in Atlantic City?
Ross - Chandler and i are in a bar...
Chandler - Did you not hear me say DUUDE!
26.Ross - Oh please, hit by a blimp.
Chandler - It kills over one american every year.
27.Chandler - You've each won a game and i've lost what feels like a year of my life. So everybody goes home a winner!
Monica - Best out of 3?
Mike - That's what i'm thinking!
Chandler - Should i use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil?
28.Monica - Phoebe is completely hng up on Mike. I mean, she'll say no, David's heart will be broken, it'll be to hard for them to recoverfrom and then Phoebe will end uo alone again!
Chandler - Man, that's some bad advice!
29.Chandler - I'm just gonna wait a little while.
Monica - Scary pigeons back?
Chandler - It's huge.
30.Monica - You're not going to be here new years eve?
Chandler - Did i not mention that?
Monica - NO!
Chandler - And to all a good night.
31.Chandler - Which by the way none of you have invited me to.
Man in office - You can come to my house.
Chandler - Ah ha, no thanks.
32.Rachel - We are looking for our christmas presents from Monica.
Chandler - What? That's terrible.
Phoebe - No, no, we do it every year.
Chandler - Oh, that makes it not terrible.
33.Chandler - Santa? Really?
Monica - Yeah, is that okay?
Chandler -Did your dad ever dress up like santa?
Monica - No.
Chandler - Then it's okay!
34.Rachel - Well what do you really want to do?
Chandler - I have not thought this through.
35.Chandler - And besides this gift still says "I love you guys".
Joey - Mine says to Lillian Myers.
Chandler - I Don't have a job.
36.Joey - (Dressed like a sailor) Where were you?
Chandler - I was making a coconut phone with the professor.
37.Joey - Hey, what are you doing?
Chandler - DON'T JUDGE ME, I'M ONLY HUMAN!
38.Joey - You're smoking again?
Chandler - Well, actually, yesterday i was smoking again, today i'm...i'm smoking still.
Chandler's Slogans
"Cheese. It's milk that you chew."
"Crackers. Because your cheese nedds a buddy."
"A grape. Because who can get a water melon in your mouth."
"The phone. Bringing you closer to people who have phones."
"Bagels and doughnuts. Round food, for every mood."
"Pants. Like shorts, but longer."
These are my fave Chandler quotes from 'Friends'. (1 liners)
1.Gee if only she was 1 and didn't know what the hell a birthday was!
2.Is that a hint? Because we love you Dr Connelly but we don't want you to be our child!
3.That fake british womans a real bitch but she sure can dance.
4.I can tell from your expressions that that was the good news you were hoping for.
5.She was probably up all night excited about the party which she knows is happening.
6.Hi Emma it's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?
7.[once Ross had finished speaking on the phone]Was that Emma? Is she up?
8.[Chandler on toilet]What are you doing? Get the hell out of here!
9.Deposit my speciman? I usually have to call a 900 number for that sort of talk.
10.Oh ho. Listen to the judement from the pornstar.
11.You know when 'that's fine' sounds true? When some yells it and spits.
12.You're right, it has been your dream for over 15 seconds!
13....so i can't affort to have principles, so screw you guys the tickets are ours!
14.Yes because if i was at my old job we'd say, "300 million? No thanks."
15.I can't believe you guys bought that, enjoy your slow death!
16.I think i can safely say that we all have family issues, work and/or are sick.
17.Look. He's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic. I mean, he's spermtastic!
18.So a lot malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room huh?[long pause] I mean you have a lovely home!
19.She's right. If i were a guy and... Did i just say, "If i were a guy"?
20.And i don't want to brag but a lot of the ideas were mine. Hell you wern't there, ALL the ideas were mine!
21.Look! Look! Look what the...look what the floating heads did!
22.No. I smokes for ages. Then i quit. Right now i can't remember why.
23.What do you know? You're just a door. You just like knock knock jokes.[laughs to himself]. Save for inside!
24.I do limericks :- There once was a man named Chandler, who's wife made him die inside!
25.But honey it's courtside. The cheerleaders will be right in... that's not the way to convince you!
26.That's right! Your husbands home! Now all the sex can stop!
27.Well, i think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectivly ruined.
28.Hay, this is where you hyper-organised pain-in-the-ass stuff pays off.
29.I don't get it either. I mean you're obviously desperate. You're asking women how they wanna been killed.
30....so if your maitre d' friend has any funny Oklahoma jokes tell him to e-mail me at www.haha-not-so-muc h.com.
31.I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand and beat the mustache off his face!
32.So, how come Richards selling the place? Went bankrupt? Medical malpractise? Chocked on his own mustache?
33.Okay, you get her in here, you bolt the door and I'll be in the closet.
34.Yes, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look you are definately 19.
35.Give her the deposit, give her the ring, i don't care!
36.What a great apology and you except it, oh ho yeah BYE-BYE!
37.You couldn't get them anyway... I mean Ian doesn't play any more and Derek... well Dereks a name that i shouldn't know!
38.That was one of the worst tings ever...and not just on TV.
39.Let me see this guy. Wa-ha-how, don't show this to Monica, and don't tell her about the wa-ha-how!
40.He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it!
41.[After Monica shakes her hair with the shellfish in it] What do you know? It's a treat for the eyes and the ears!
42.Now you're home, you don't have that problem so if you think about it, i hate them!
43.I think she looks cute. [glareful looks by Monica and Rachel] But i am Wrong!
44.It's always better to lie than have the complicated discussion. [Monica frowns] Except with you.
45....but there is no call for writing "Screw you Mr Bing". By the way you all can call me Chandler.
46.Well, i'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird turtle man?
47.This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but you're getting ham on my only tie.
48.And if she was here, she'd kick your ass.
49.Look you're a really nice person. Ham stealing and adultery aside.
50.Chandler - Maybe, it's because I was just fooling with my ex! Oh no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no, that was you!
The other ones are chandlers replys to a previous line.
1.Monica - This is like the biggest decision of our lives!
Chandler - There's a hair in my coffee.
2.Owen - WHAT!!!
Chandler - WHAT???
Owen - I'm adopted?
[long pause]Chandler - I'VE GOT NOTHING!
3.Ross - I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.
Chandler - Was that place, the sun?
4.Monica - Chandler stop it's not going to pop open!
Chandler - YOU DON'T KNOW!
5.Monica - We are not friends with Phoebe anymore!
Chandler - If she asks i protested a little bit but...OK!
6.Amanda - ...you look positively ghastly!
Chandler - Well arn't you a treat!
7.Ross - Wait...your not tanned?
Chandler - No i just had to get a picture of this. [Takes picture] I'LL SEE YA LATER!!!
8.Monica - Wow you're a really good kisser!
Chandler - Well i have kissed over 4 women!
9.Joey - I thought that you didn't have secrets from Monica.
Chandler - And that will remain the official party line!
10.Ross - Can i help?
Chandler - Well we climbed up 4 flights of stairs but these last 3 steps are where it get's really tricky.
11.Joey - Maybe we can lure them out? Do you know any birdcalls?
Chandler - Oh tons, i'm quite the woodsman.
12.Joey - Did you get it?
Chandler - One of the slots got filled.
Joey - By you?
Chandler - Sense the tone!
13.Joey - This whole thing was my idea!
Chandler - Oh yeah, thanks for inventing the lottery!
14.Zack - I heard a joke today, it's pretty funny.
Chandler - You know what's not funny? Male pattern baldness.
15.Owen - And he paid me $50 not to tell!
Chander - Which, technically, you should now give back!
16.Monica - What room shall we see next?
Chandler - Any room that isn't behind this couch.
17.Chandler - Haha, all you got was Monica's stinky brussel sprouts!
Monica - Stinky?
Chandler - Please let me stay on this side of the door!
18.Monica - Chandler, where are your tools?
Chandler - Oh, i left them on my bulldozer.
19.Rachel - Pheebs look in the kitchen, i'll look in the closet.
Chandler - I can save you time ladies, i'm right here!
20.Joey - Wait a minute. This say Richard. And this is Richards apartment.[LONG PAUSE]
Chandler - GET THERE FASTER!
21.Monica - Careful. Careful. CAREFUL!
Chandler - I'll tell you what. For the rest of our lives, i'll be careful, unless told otherwise!
22.Chandler - Maybe in Paris
Monica - Paris?
Chandler - We will take a moonlit walk on the rue-de-la-blah blah blah.
23.Phoebe - ...and this is the only one left.
Chandler - We can't accept this.
Phoebe - Why not?
Chandler - Because it's gross!
24.Monica - Hey, good, you're home.
Chandler - Always nicer to hear than "oh crap you again!"
25.Chandler - DUUDE
Monica - What happened in Atlantic City?
Ross - Chandler and i are in a bar...
Chandler - Did you not hear me say DUUDE!
26.Ross - Oh please, hit by a blimp.
Chandler - It kills over one american every year.
27.Chandler - You've each won a game and i've lost what feels like a year of my life. So everybody goes home a winner!
Monica - Best out of 3?
Mike - That's what i'm thinking!
Chandler - Should i use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil?
28.Monica - Phoebe is completely hng up on Mike. I mean, she'll say no, David's heart will be broken, it'll be to hard for them to recoverfrom and then Phoebe will end uo alone again!
Chandler - Man, that's some bad advice!
29.Chandler - I'm just gonna wait a little while.
Monica - Scary pigeons back?
Chandler - It's huge.
30.Monica - You're not going to be here new years eve?
Chandler - Did i not mention that?
Monica - NO!
Chandler - And to all a good night.
31.Chandler - Which by the way none of you have invited me to.
Man in office - You can come to my house.
Chandler - Ah ha, no thanks.
32.Rachel - We are looking for our christmas presents from Monica.
Chandler - What? That's terrible.
Phoebe - No, no, we do it every year.
Chandler - Oh, that makes it not terrible.
33.Chandler - Santa? Really?
Monica - Yeah, is that okay?
Chandler -Did your dad ever dress up like santa?
Monica - No.
Chandler - Then it's okay!
34.Rachel - Well what do you really want to do?
Chandler - I have not thought this through.
35.Chandler - And besides this gift still says "I love you guys".
Joey - Mine says to Lillian Myers.
Chandler - I Don't have a job.
36.Joey - (Dressed like a sailor) Where were you?
Chandler - I was making a coconut phone with the professor.
37.Joey - Hey, what are you doing?
Chandler - DON'T JUDGE ME, I'M ONLY HUMAN!
38.Joey - You're smoking again?
Chandler - Well, actually, yesterday i was smoking again, today i'm...i'm smoking still.
Chandler's Slogans
"Cheese. It's milk that you chew."
"Crackers. Because your cheese nedds a buddy."
"A grape. Because who can get a water melon in your mouth."
"The phone. Bringing you closer to people who have phones."
"Bagels and doughnuts. Round food, for every mood."
"Pants. Like shorts, but longer."